Loneliness Love

I have been separated most of my married life. I stayed married as I was concerned about my estranged wife & she sabotaged several relationship opportunities. I felt unwell & found that I have terminal illness in my 60’s. I will live longer than I want to as living alone for so long has left me damaged. I have a potential wife. I would say I love her. A professional would not. I see her once a week & I won’t see her often daily once we are married. I pine for her. She doesn’t have any problem. She is ideal when I see her. I find this a much better prospect than nobody. I tried the dating sites. I am not competitive. I can’t put myself into social situations in the community. ‘damaged’ Therefore I need to train myself to be in a relationship with someone who loves me, who hardly communicates 6 days a week. Gives me one day to do anything I want. I study cosmology, religion, the question of reality on YouTube. My psychologist would say I am walking towards a hole.