CPTSD Help - A lifetime of bad luck

Hello sane forum!

IDK what the heck to do. I realised i have CPTSD in 2022, and have tried seeking help since by going to a psychologist, which turned out to be an abuser literally pretending to be a psychologist... so after being traumatised by them I went to a verified clinical psychologist whom was nice at first, like the previous person, then gradually became awful and would behave like a split personality and encouraged me to suicide...

I had my first panic attack in a session with them, dark vision, dizzy, fainted, lied on ground, hard to hear, scared, begged them to help me...

Ended with them.

They believe that dissociation and amnesia is a good thing... and shrugged when I asked about cptsd outside of EMDR therapy, as Emdr seems like desensitising through dissociation, unhealthy, like ABA for autism...

Stopped seeing therapists because of these two people. In addition to my distrust from seeing psychs as a child and not feeling like they understood or were helping at all. And other forms of mental health services that were verified abusers... because they admitted to it.

I went into a relationship and it went sour with them so it ended, and during that breakup i had another panic attack and fainted on the ground and had all the symptoms as before, they didn't believe me and thought i was faking at first, then when i explained what i was experiencing and what i was thinking, they said i was "trauma dumping". Happened last night.

Tried going to a new psychologist that was booked for tomorrow, cancelled because they are sick.

I have no proper support. I have difficulty making friends from lack of opportunity + being autistic. My family are emotionally unstable people and so unsafe...

So yeah, I don't know what to do lol. Keep trying to see psychologists only to be abused? Keep trying to connect with people only for them to go sour and be emotionally unsafe?

I have spoken on helplines, most are unhelpful and lack in wisdom and compassion, but not lacking in callousness. I get referred around to different supports.

The panic attacks / dissociation is getting worse with each abandonment I experience, I don't know how to heal that.

If there is anyone out there that relates to my experience, I would love to hear from you.