Complex PTSD and support

Omg i read this and had to join this forum . Feels like my life

I read zoe7 s post and that is my life . im sinking more than swimming .I dont know who i am or why im even alive feeling the way i do . I dont want anyone in my life other than my daughter , i trust noone . When i have trusted ive been used and abused. The latest was put on a revenge porn site/forum and for 2 1/2 years had men harrassing me and stalking me from these sites. This is the downfall of me not wanting to connect in person n using the internet dating sites as an easier option. I strongly suggest to everyone not to do that as now i live in a refuge because it feels like the safest option i have to keep these predators away from me . It feels like anyone ive let in has just damaged me more . So im not going to let anyone have that opportunity anymore .I wander around in severe emotional pain n disasociation, my years seems to fly by and im just hoping they can go by a lot quicker so this will just end soon n i dont know what day it is even if i plan something it wont happen because ill forget im so lost and caught up in my head with my trauma and due to having my whole life been put on those sites i feel i cant look anyone in the face just incase they know .NO one understands me and to be honest who could blame them . I ve gone from counsellor to counsellor n nothing changes its like im in the too hard basket .i also have chronic pain from 2 damaged discs that has been going on 7 yrs now from my old job as a carer that workers comp wont pay for my operation i need . I feel i have had to fight for every right in my life and that i dont have any fight left in me. The spark for life just isnt there anymore and i cant fake it anymore either .My daughters only 23 and her and my cats are the only reason im still here . I lost my mum when i was in my early 30s i believe my dad let her die and ill never get over that and i dont want to cause my daughter the pain of losing her mum so young . So all i can do is try and hang on for as long as i can .Writing this is making me cry and although its so painful to be brutally honest letting this out seems to be the only thing that brings me relief. But it seems i try and hold on to these emotions as long as i can to avoid feeling more intense pain . I need to find another counsellor one that can actually help me .

I suffer ptsd complex and recently like Friday got triggered by my ex again. Sometimes the symptoms have been unbearable but my new med ok just need it lowered I think I'm bipolar too. I live with a man who also suffered trauma and it's helped me our friendship. Just friends cos both of us are still recovering and healing. I was going to do exposure treTment but I'm not for that anymore. Spode to desensitise me from triggers etc something I only had one visit and then she went on holidays so 22 Nd is my next and boy she'll be in for a hard job. I'm willing but ATM it would unstable me more. Ptsd makes me jerk when flashes come. My housemate gets it too. It's a bit embarrassing. Anyway hope you all get peace from your past in. Moments sending good energy your way.

Zoe7... that's exactly what it feels like for me!