APPROACHING SURE?

Thank you @Former-Member

That is very much the way it was.

The group are all very vulnerable and yes, some, due to compensatory mechanisms are very loud. So I need to decide how I am going to manage it. So that I retain a sense of dignity over my story and how much I tell .. I am there as a "client" so I should be able to have a say.

It was the sense that even after all the work on myself that I have done .. in the heat of the moment ..in a new social situation .. I didnt have full control of the contents of my heart and to whom and how I share it.

Hello @Appleblossom

Sorry to hear that you felt trampled over by someone... I guess we can only understand our own experiences fully.. the other woman probably cant fathom the depth of what you've been through if she has had a more balanced/privelidged life.. but perhaps has had her own darkness/difficulties that have affected her that werent shared. Regardless of her experience.. its good that you're able to acknowledge the hurt that you felt at her words.

I have been avoiding the staff room at work for somewhat similar reasons. There are over 70 people at my work and Christmas is bringing out all the wonderful family oriented stories. people have started asking me about my family and asking what am i doing for xmas.. not things im comfortable in talking about.. and if i do say i dont ahve family/support i get these very airy replies about how they know what thats like because their family lives in the next town... or in even in the next capital city etc.. I dont share much though, just what i have to.. to be both honest and polite. I try to smile through the flippant responses.

How much to share and when... particularly in a new situation... and even more complicated when you're with other vulnerable people brought together under those circumstances.

If you could go back and do over, would you share more now?

lj

Glad to hear from you @Former-Member .. and I can only imagine the staff room dynamics .. our soloist in choir .. teaches in a girls school and promises me that there are a lot of dummy spits and that its not all nice .. and polite .. but she admits she has always been an indulged child at the centre of attention .. she was trying to reassure me after my first dummy spit at choir .. which was probably my first ever in my life in a public place .. which was semi professh .. you have to do what you think is best .. and what you feel is safe .. and when you have found some relationships with peers at work that you can trust. No rush.

There was one sentence that I said at the christmas lunch .. that I felt was ripped out of me .. I know it sounds weird .. but it was about the last time I saw my dead brother alive and it was a horrible event .. I didnt feel I had control .. and I am getting too long in the tooth .. for that .. thats all

Night Bella .. take care of you and

thanks for being friends

ahh.. i see now @Appleblossom that you were in a social situation where pushy person pushed you for information... and being that situation within that group i can imagine it would have been very difficult to stay emotionally safe.

lj

Thank you @Former-Member thats right. This thread has turned out to be helpful, so thank you all.

I took prn yesterday but was still too open that when today at Centrelink .. I passed a girl/woman with scarring on her face, I almost physically doubled up in pain when it registered mentally what she had been through. Luckily she did not see my response but my son did, so I had to explain that it wasnt about him, cos he thought he had done something wrong.

So I need to learn that my level of openness is what gets me triggered and layer on some protective coating when I leave the house.

"I didnt have full control of the contents of my heart and to whom and how I share it"

@Appleblossom this is me too. How to socialise with honesty and integrity but hold dignity too? For me I've always been the chameleon changing my colours to blend in. Everyone else's spots were always more important and more interesting than mine. I don't know how I'll address social situations when it happens again. Having isolated from the big wide ugly world for so many years I'm sure I will be burned lots of times. Some of the few times I have I've fallen for the above statement. I do not have good boundaries for keeping myself safe during conversations yet either.

My heart goes out for you because I know how much this venturing into the social world means to you. Don't give up though. You have so much to give and I'm sure your conversation skills and content would be much more interesting than mine. I liked @Kurra suggestions about choosing how to involve yourself. We are all struggling with this? Take care 💜🤗💐

Hello @Appleblossom

how are you going today xx