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Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

KirSa_EnigmASenior Contributor12 Dec 2023, 9:05 pm AEDT

Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

Hi everyone,

tl;dr: Psychatrist diagnosed me with "Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1" a few weeks ago and I don't know what to do or who I am anymore. (Pls help with navigating: GP, counselling, psychologist/psychiatrist, centrelink, job network, income protection and TPD claim?)

Long version:

I've spent 20+ years being treated for alcohol use disorder, largely unsuccessfully. My behaviour is not alcohol dependence, but to drink heavily - once - every few months.

It's very difficult to explain this to anyone. No, I'm not an alcoholic. I just get to the point where I can't handle things any more and drink to get relief.

I've often suspected "Bipolar" was a good description. I've had others say so often in the past. I was even diagnosed in my 20s and given meds, but at the time I was seeking crisis accomodation and needed the psych eval to qualify. I left all that behind once I found somewhere else to stay.

I've been to a handful of rehabs. Many courses. Read a LOT on addiction and alcohol use.

About 9 months ago I got very low and could not see a way out. This endless cycle of trying to live 'normally' - 9-5 job, steady relationships, keeping many balls in the air, so to speak... seems impossible for me. I have tried so, so many times. Countless business startups. Countless hobbies, relationships, jobs. Eventually: bankruptcy.

So after I left my last job (again, dispute with management over some injustice - a regular occurance for me), I sought help from the GP. It took months to get in to see a psychiatrist. He was into ACT - acceptance and committment therapy. Basically, life's tough, set some goals, and get on with it. I agreed, I mean. I'm 47 and a bloke from the bush. Damn right. That's how the world works, right?

Still... harder than it sounds, it seems.

Finally, a psychiatrist diagnoses me with "Likely Bipolar 1" - the 'Likely' confuses me.

My GP just wants me to take medication.

Centrelink doesn't seem to recognise my declaration of a medical condition because it has "Alcohol use disorder" on it. They think I just need rehab. But I've been to at least 5 over the years.

I've been informed that I may be able to make a claim with my super fund for income protection and a TPD (Total permenant disability) claim. The payout would be amazing but I'm confused as hell about what's going on. I haven't known myself as any different, but now I'm permenantly disabled because I'm bipolar?!

The stress is not good for me. The more of it there is, the more likely I am to crack and either just fold into nothing or go haywire and do everything all at once to try and understand, control and solve the situation (along with a tendency to want to achieve immortality and save the world - no kidding).

So, I know this has been a bit of a ramble...

I came here because it seems the other forums I've tried are pretty tame and my sh*t is a bit over their heads.

I'm pretty skeptical anyway so I don't expect much.

I'd just like to talk to anyone who's gone through any of this so I can get some clarity for myself.

I woke up yelling after a terrifying dream last night and there's clearly something very wrong with me.

What do I do?

20 replies

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In response to: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

Dez2Contributor14 Dec 2023, 9:54 am AEDT

Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

~ @ kirSa, I'm sitting it out like this as there's alot to reply to. Yeah man they are clowns. You don't have to be bipolar to know that haha

I just needing to find the right person. I worked for mobile phone companies for years and I absolutely get your telstra reference! 😂 Clowns. 🤡

So some of my main questions are:

How long does it take for you to get from where I am now (jobseker about 12 months, previously employed full-time, diagnosed about a month ago), to being approved for the DSP?

~ It's a process. You will have to submit evidence with an Assessment form/application. 3 mths give or take for an outcome?

~I had alot of evidence. Letters from GP, psychologist, Psychiatrist. I was accepted first go. If it's denied you apply again & again. They assisted me with the forms. I still work but I have it as a backup. The security in itself eased my anxiety.

What was the process and was it difficult or confronting?

~I was very embarrassed at first. I use to get all dressed up & be well presented to go to centrelink. That wasn't the real me. Wear ya shit clothes be yourself. Understand yourself. Don't confuse them when ya immortal 🤣 that is a bit delusional lol so yeah maybe it is type one. I knew someone who thought they were God. On the piss went & painted black crosses on ppls doors 😆 you aren't that bad. You don't jump off a building do ya & think you'll live for an example. I was a nurse for a long time till I came undone. I've never been admitted & never tried suicide. You have a good case! I was in emergency accommodation at one stage. Sadly to get free Psychiatry you need to attempt suicide. I never wanted to loose my kids.

I've got a medical certificate form and a declaration of medical condition form from my job network to give to the GP. She's mentioned not to put "alcohol use disorder" on the form because if centrelink see that they'll deny the claim. But I doubt the GP can honestly not put that in the form since its my longest standing diagnosis. (10 years) How is it best to fill these in? They rejected my last medical certificate with alcohol use disorder on it.

~ Substance abuse is on mine. They will sadly reject alot. Do an assessment to be reviewed for DSP You need so many points in each area to qualify. Alcohol addiction is an illness also so there pulling ya leg. It's there for ppl who really need it & I think you do.

What if I suggest to the gp that the new form has bipolar 1 as the primary condition and self medicates with alcohol as a symptom? (suggested by the job network)

~Job network is correct. My diagnosis is Bipolar 2, PTSD, ADHD? With a question mark. Depression & anxiety, history of substance abuse.

What did you put on yours? (can I copy your homework? 😂 😉)

Did you have any interviews with centrelink medical team to verify your condition?

~There's no medical team as such at centerlink they get you to talk with a social worker. They basically just confirmed my history & diagnosis. Why I was applying for DSP

I feel like a fraud going through all this but I'd surely be mad not to, given the circumstances, right? I've always been driven and want to look after myself. This feels cheap and dirty to me. How did you feel? How do you feel now?

~I still work it's a sense of security for me. I felt like a fraud too but like you always driven. I'm educated but with the highs & lows life is harder to juggle. I started keeping dates. Moods. It wasn't that something went wrong to make me low. Or on a good day because life went well. It was out of my control. Alot is your own thought pattern but with highs & lows it's hard to keep a positive thought pattern at times. I take medication. It helps me alot. Everyone is different. We don't live forever 😂 so if there's help there. Go get it. Don't give up. They want to know you are serious about it. Be honest right to to your personal hygiene. Anxiety driving? All those things. You don't have to have bipolar for that either but it's the shift in mood. I hope I make a bit of sense?

What's life like for you now? How are you doing?

~Mine was an onset from childhood trauma. Most cases it's in the family? Find out your family history. I'm doing well, I still have my moments.

Any recommendations on how to approach centrelink so I get the right advice?

~Go into the office & ask them for an appointment. Tell them you want to apply for DSP. We'll take it from there 😉 you can apply online. Get an appt with them tho

You'll be right

(sorry for the wall of text! 😂)

Any feedback you have about this is useful.

In response to: Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

KirSa_EnigmASenior Contributor14 Dec 2023, 10:17 am AEDT

Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

Thank you so much @Dez2

This sets my mind at ease a bit to know how you went with it all.

I know, the immortality thing is a bit out there isn't it. But hey, it's my "go to" so just being honest!

And no... I don't think I can fly or survive a train wreck or anything! Just kinda wish I could 🤔😅

But when I get going... I'm full fledged research mode into life extention, cell regeneration, whole society paradigm shift, etc. Talk a million miles an hour about it. But mostly I keep it under my hat. I realise it's a bit nuts eh.

I'll have a crack at it.

Gp appointment next week. Will get forms filled and make the appointment with centrelink to discuss what else they need.

Cheers!

In response to: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

Dez2Contributor14 Dec 2023, 11:20 am AEDT

Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

@KirSa

It's a good thing you can't turn water into wine 😂

I hear ya. When in mania we can takle the world. I've had many career changes. Doing one & studying another. Solo mum two kids. Gave birth on my own. I couldn't hold a relationship. When I was good I was amazing. Then came a time I didn't get out of bed for 10 days. Didn't shower properly for 14. That's when I knew! Gross hey. I always had pride in my appearance fitness & house. Things changed for a little while.

I threw myself into so many things not to possibly deal with other things I needed to.

I needed to breathe. I was so exhausted being so strong & not telling anyone what was really going on with me.

Underlying issues came out. I'm really glad they did. You're not crazy 😉 You're honnest

Bipolar has a stigma because ppl aren't educated, they don't really understand. They live wearing a mask society accepts.

After diagnosis when I had a bad day. I'd get off the very few ppl whom know. Have you taken your meds :face_with_rolling_eyes: When they have a bad day. It's not Bipolar... I say maybe you need meds haha

It's all good

In response to: Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

Dez2Contributor14 Dec 2023, 11:43 am AEDT

Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

Do you sometimes be extremely social confident funny the life of the party everyone wants a piece of to not taking calls & isolating yourself with anxiety. Scared to even go to woolies. It's a chore to decide what to wear? Even shower. To be able to enter woollies. Can drive to nervous behind the wheel? Hold friendships? Hold any relationship?

I think your road block could possibly be they think it's mania from alcohol. Do you have mania without drinking? Do you drink because it's mania?

History is important. Understanding this & putting it into words is the hardest part.

In response to: Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

KirSa_EnigmASenior Contributor14 Dec 2023, 11:56 am AEDT

Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

@Dez2

Haha! Yes maybe I need meds, but certainly no more wine! 😂

I have many more highs than lows. But I do definitely have them. My first would have been 16yo... Heartbroken. Spent a couple of years just wallowing. Can't say for sure if that was part of bipolar cycle but it was certainly impactful.

We're similar in the mania though. Highly productive and excited. Passionate. Influential. Charismatic (I think so anyway! 😂). I've also had many careers and relationships.

Then take on more than I can handle... Or just want to do more than is legitimately possible. I reorganise my life to prioritise, but often neglect maintaining important things. "I'll catch up later". Bills, relationships, health, etc.

Then inevitably fall in a great mess.

I have become good at picking myself up over the years. But seriously... It gets tiring after a while.

About 9 months ago I was ready to throw in the towel. Deep depression again. Did not want to live. Just kept going through the notions. Would spend hours sitting in the bottom of the shower just willing the world to go on without me. (so at least I was clean! 😂)

But the house was a mess.

The idea that there are things that I'm avoiding confronting is something I've been exploring more recently. But I can't seem to see what those things are. I want to genuinely get to the bottom of why I behave this way. It'd be good to find a shrink who'd help me explore this. But most I've had so far is gp offering me medication, and counsellor who just kinda listens while I talk. No real expertise.

But maybe I just have to figure it out on my own.

I have a recurring dream where there's a cave under my house... And a crypt even further... Tombs and coffins... Runes and ancient demons inside. But it's scary as hell to go in there. I barely get out alive if I do. It's ominous and dark... Not just darkness, but horrors dwell inside.

I fear this represents my fear of exploring further into my own 'soul'.

But what is it they say?

"what you most need will be found where you least want to look"

So yeah... Who knows what's in there. And I have no idea how to look.

In response to: Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

KirSa_EnigmASenior Contributor14 Dec 2023, 12:08 pm AEDT

Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

Yes I certainly have mania without alcohol. I just tend to peak and use alcohol to get relief from the chaos and dispute in my mind. I can't hold onto all the thoughts and it's like I overheat. The drinking cools it down. But it most likely fuels the mania by reducing my inhibitions even further. Allows it to range on for another 12-24 hours until I'm out of it.

I generally live my life with the doors shut and the blinds down. But only sometimes do I feel like I can't face the world. For a couple of weeks after a bender I'll be a recluse if I can. But I'm used to forcing myself back on my feet.

I get anxious when I'm talking about things that I passionate about. I think it's one of the signs I'm about to get manic. Honestly, I could push people out the door so I could be alone and emerse myself in my new interest.

Yes... I'll ignore calls and texts... Isolate and just be generally antisocial. But it's more of the mania or pre mania for me. Isolating from depression is definitely a thing, but a very different animal... And less frequent.

In response to: Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

KirSa_EnigmASenior Contributor15 Dec 2023, 8:22 am AEDT

Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

Hi @Dez2

I've been taking a closer look at the criteria and online application and I tell ya what, there's a lot of hoops to jump through!

tl;dr: Must have official diagnosis. Must be being treated and ongoing treatment. Must be unlikely to improve. Must meet 20 points on one table of imparement to instantly qualify for DSP. If 20 points are across multiple tables, then you must complete a Program of Supports for 18 months, in the prior 3 years before you qualify for DSP. (Program of Supports is job network assistance and training to help improve your situation)

Long version:

Here are the main hurdles (for anyone else looking to make a claim):

1. Your medical condition needs to be "Diagnosed, Reasonably Treated, and Stabilised" - These 3 criteria will be the biggest hurdle for most people I'd say.

- Diagnosed - Probably the easiest one of the 3. To their credit, the diagnosis, while necessary, is not the focus of their assessment. It's the impact the condition has on your ability to work. The diagnosis just needs to be official and in writing by a medical professional (for mental health, a clinical psychologist, or a psychiatrist)

- Reasonably Treated - There's a few examples on their website, but for the most part this means that you can't be waiting for appointments or have a lackluster history of appointment attendance. The consider the next 2 years of planned treatment too, and if there's a chance your condition might improve then it's not 'stable' and they'll likely want you to wait and see.

- Stabilised - As indicated above, if your condition might improve with treatment over the next 2 years they'll consider the situation still unstable, and they'll postpone judgement until it's unchanging. This is the real kicker, in my eyes. I mean, if you improve, you do yourselve a service, right? But if you improve, you do yourself OUT of a service. I won't get into the socio-economics of this monster, but I'm sure you can see the contradiction here.

2. The Imparement Tables for Assessment - (If you want a copy of the actual tables for your reference, you can google: "Tables for the Assessment of Work-related Impairment for Disability Support Pension" and it should be the first link. It's a bast*rd of a thing to find and all other references are vague.)

- Rules - Mental health is table 5 (substance use is 6). In order to qualify immediately for DSP you need to score 20 points in one table. That means 'severe' impact on your ability to work. You must tick off 4 or more of the criteria on the list, including: self care, relationships, community, concentration, behaviour, task completion. Similar list for substance abuse, but more focussed on the impact of your usage habits, health, associations, etc. If you score 20 points or more, but spread across more than one table, then you need to participate in a Program of Supports.

- Program of Supports - This is an effort by the government to improve your employability by outsourcing training, job search efforts, and support, to a job network. Basically, it's like being on jobseeker except you're a much higher needs client. (stream 5 - in old Centrelink speak) If you don't have the 20 points in one table, or your points are spread across multiple tables then you need to complete a Program of Supports withing the past 3 years. Now, I'm pretty sure this has only been available for the past year or so, so I don't know where they get 3 years from... but anyway. You must have participated for 18 months (or less if the POS is less - whatever that means)

Note: I love how the Program of Supports abbreiation is POS haha!

3. If you can tick all the boxes and are prepared to jump through the hoops, the online application through mygov is actually pretty straightforward. I did an application in about an hour last night.

- The tough part will be making sure I have all the documents. Basically, any medical records that support your claim. The real key here will be to have as many points of evidence to suggest your symptoms make working next to impossible. This evidence needs to come from valid sources: GP, psychologist, psychiatrist, and supporting documents from similar industry professionals (counsellors, social workers, etc)

So... my situation about 10 years ago was that I actually had an evaluation with Centrelink for my alcohol use habits. I was actually in an interview room with a lady who, after checking all the details, basically offered if I wanted to go on DSP - I balked at the idea, thinking "holy shit, I'm not disabled!" - and opted for a reduction in work capacity (15 hours / week). I figured I'd dodged a bullet there.

But it seems I was offered the golden goose, which now is so much further beyond reach! Gah!

I'll still submit my application though, and who knows. I might get an upgrade.

If not I'll settle with what I get. At the end of the day life is too short to be spending it arguing over the semantics of a government form or process. In fact, it's probably easier to get some light work and just get on with it (or at least make an effort so the job networks aren't riding your ass), than to go through the 18 months of more intensive assistance of a "POS".

What a Piece Of S... 😂

In response to: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

Crystal7New Contributor02 Feb 2024, 3:03 pm AEDT

Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

Wow. I know. I get it. They said mine was low grade bi polar then a different doctor who didnt know me- said i don't have it.

I totally have done the job hopping and start up of several businesses. Wasted so much money that i couldnt spare. Today i hit a massive downer but im getting out of the hole now.

Good luck with your struggles.

In response to: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

Dez2Contributor11 Nov 2024, 10:54 pm AEDT

Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

How have you been?

In response to: Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

KirSa_EnigmASenior Contributor27 Nov 2024, 4:08 pm AEDT

Re: Help understanding my diagnosis: 'Likely Bipolar Disorder Type 1'

@Dez2

I'm quite sure nobody knows wtf they're doing tbh.

I've been meeting with a new shrink and he says I have ADHD and has started treating me with amphetamines.

Look, they're better than the sedatives I was on for bipolar, but I'm really not sure either of these 2 paths are the right way to go.

I have ups and downs. I get upset easily. I have nightmares. I cry in my sleep. I drink heavily every few months when things get too much for me to deal with. I really don't handle stress very well.

But, I present to the world just normal... for the most part.

I just avoid it though now.

The change in diagnosis... again, just tells me that while there's really no objective standard to their assessments (it's just a 'find what fits best and test the medication' approach - makes me feel like I'm on an episode of House MD!), they are using the tools they've got.

What blows me away is that there's been very little help with psychology around impulse control and emotional regulation.

I mean, I do some crazy shit sometimes. I've mentioned it, but it doesn't get talked about. It's just "oh, this medication should control those urges/impulses".

Nothing at all to give me some idea WHY I am experiencing this stuff.

One psychologist even said I'm having a mid life crisis! Yeah, right ... for 30 years lady! ha!

I guess I'm an old soul lol

Thanks for checking in with me 🙂

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