Dear StanD

NEW HOME 🏠

Hello everyone,

@TAB @tyme @Former-Member @hanami @Meowmy @StuF @MDT @Appleblossom @Bunniekins @Kyle1 @Shaz51

And Everybody

I have been in my new home since Friday. I want this to be a happy post. And it is.

My Home is gorgeous. It's basically a 2 BDRM palace set in oasis. The neighbours are helpful & friendly. My front windows look out to a large green lawn that connects the U shaped block of units. I see people walking their dogs all the time!

No swearing, fighting, 'junkies' (sorry that is a terrible label that I dislike) - tho where I had been living, I don't know how else to describe to give property picture. There was lots of crime in previous neighbourhood, not uncommon to hear yelling & near the station - yeh, well ...

There are also BEAUTIFUL parts in my previous suburb. The beach. Finding lovely, loving, kind people despite the bad parts.

I digress. This new home - is really a home for me. I get to choose EVERY THING!! My cats & I can walk freely through the rooms. My cats are still with frightened being in new place. I'm making it my promise, that I won't leave them too long, until they are adjusted.

My previous address was on main busy road.

Here - I'm tucked away from suburbia. It really does have a 'camping' vibe to it. No cars. All I hear is birds, planes going overhead, occasional car, or neighbour coming home with his young daughter & my clocks ticking.

Magpies are dominant bird here.

I can tell that even the birds have more relaxed, chilled vibe than previous address! Weird huh.

I'm heart broken 😭💔

I cry lots.

I don't know this suburb.

Everything is far away.

I don't know how to get to post office to redirect my mail.

I have soooo much unpacking to do.

If I need to drive anywhere, I need to go on freeway. I'm not used to driving on freeway. It's difficult. It's not a 5 min trip & everything at my fingertips like I'm used to.

I need to do so many things.

I can't.

I can only physically manage a few hours in shops.

The hot water pressure is a trickle. I have long hair. I don't have any shampoo. I don't know where the shop is to buy shampoo. I'm scared to leave the house. I will need to use GPS to go anywhere. This is very stressful for me. And then finding new shops. Yes, I can buy online. Idk. It all feels so difficult.

My previous suburb, where I know all the shops & parking is 17 mins on fwy. Of course I can do it.

I'm not used to the idea of it being such big ordeal. I have to plan. What I can manage - before I get overwhelmed /sensory overload & then drive back safely. It feels like too much.

I need my medications. Idk where the chemist is here. Unlikely, they will stock my meds anyway.

I don't have a mirror!! (I know/hope the ladies will understand this)

I said this to my male friend last night. His reply was, 'just be like a man'. I assume he is referencing that men don't need to check themselves in the mirror before leaving house.

I got angry this morning thinking of that comment. I should of replied, 'oh, so you shave without a mirror do you?'

So yeh. That's me. I'm happy & not my usual happy self. It's very hard to describe.

I used to have days where I felt beautiful.

I know it's only been 5 days. I can't explain. I feel ugly, now.

I moved in sexy.

My sexy is totally gone.

-I feel depressed.

-At home.

-Pissed off.

-Like the biggest weight in the world has finally been cleared

- emerging

- I have autonomy

- I am my own person now

- I am alone

- I have regressed

- I am scared

- I am blessed

Thankyou for reading. In 2 weeks, I'm thinking I will be a completely different StanD. This is all moving house emotions?!? Idk?

And, PS - I have telehealth with my new psychologist today, & I will be able to get the help, mentally with my heartbreak.

I don't want any forum people's to worry. Really, I wanted to 'make a diary entry ' & I like how this diary talks back!!💗💗💗

I think I wanted to say more - I forget.

I'm wishing you all the best.

Idk, - at times I wonder 'Who are my friends?'

You guys have been with me forever.

I do wish I knew you all better. Am I making it up in my head that you are solid people? That we genuinely care about each other? That we are our own hero, together?

Like all these accomplishments - we all did them together, from like this secret little space of the universe.

Am I projecting?

The things I've read on these forums.

I'm sure they have made ME a better human.

And I'm not talking about the people I had the brain capacity to 'tag' - to anyone who reads this, or has communicate with others on here.

I'm not going crazy am I?

There IS love.

It's difficult because I don't know how much is true & how much I am filling in the blanks.

Like in the actual roool world - would any of us like each other?

I feel like this is my home. SANE.

These are my people who were there from the start. New ones popping in, old ones leaving - others rocks, not going anywhere. If that is not a friend, then what is?

@Historylover @NatureLover & anyone else, if you know we have chatted (or totally new friends) you already know I wanted to tag you!!💗

I have nfi if any of this makes sense ie autocorrect, thought process. I'm going to wing it & press post.

Maybe this kite land gently on the sand, nestled upon rock, of a deserted beach, for one day a child walks past & picks it up with glee. Luminous