How do you make good boundaries with a child with mental health issues while still showing them love?

Hello @Susan1,

That sounds very frustrating, tiring and exhausting you seem to be really burnt out from caring for them and putting in place these boundaries which can be very challenging.

Have you tried certain things in the past that have helped your child settle, sometimes making a note of times when they do react in a positive way its important to note that and try out these techniques more.

Also, perhaps because you are feeling overhwlmed and burnt out you may be reactive when putting in place these boundaries. It's more helpful to remain calm and firm not emotional and angry when setting boundaries, have you been able to get some support for yourself so you are more calm?

It might just be that self-care and support for yourself it of top priority right now, do you feel as though this is lacking at the moment?

Lunar

I have struggled with similar issues. There is no easy answer @Susan1. If your life is anything like mine it would not have been better if there had not been a separation, so dont beat yourself up about that.

I went solo, to avoid that kind of thing, whichhas a limiting aspect as children dont see their mum in a loving relationship with a man.

The best I can suggest, is to expressly commit to a real and honest love for her, but workout a few simple areas that are no-go areas.

For me it started with reclaiming back my use of different areas of the house, for my use personal use, not merely as a household worker. I had allowed it to get out of hand but also was limited by my health and support resources. It was nobody's "fault", but the old "give an inch thay take a mile" often applies.

Choose no more than 3-4 areas to focus on. Try not to get drawn into flip flop scenarios. Protect yourself.

Hello Susan

It was good to read your post and I send you my best wishes. All I can say to you is that you should set the boundaries that you are comfortable with and stick to them despite the troubles it may cause.

I know it is hard because I am afraid that I am someone who set boundaries, didn't stick to them - rather tried to keep the peace and keep people happy - and I saw those boundaries drop. The problem with this was that although it seemed to give a sense of peace at the time, many years later you will find you are battling the same problems and worse and then putting boundaries in place is too hard and causes too much heartache.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I'm battling my own issues and just wish that years ago I have refused to budge from some of the boundaries I had set.

Hello @Susan1

how are you today ?? have not heard from you for a while xx

hope everything is ok , sending you hugs my friend

Hello @Snowdrop, @Former-Member, @denial

This sounds like me! My 11 year old son, nearly 12 years old, is also very volatile, and i too feel exhausted at the constant rollercoaster of emotions.

He will not accept my partner either and refuses to live with us or sleep over when my partner is home overnight. He constantly says bad things about him and how he wishes he would disappear and die.

I have no advice, but just wanted to say I can hear what youre saying and youre not alone!

Feeling Fragile after seeing my Gp. She is not happy that I have allowed son back, even temporarily. She is worried about the pressure he puts on me, and that I have to face that he is unwell. At the moment on the surface he is being cheerful, agreeable, helpful as needed and doing great self care.

@Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Bunniekins @Sophia1 @Owlunar @Anastasia Mainly tagging mothers.

Think I will try and keep both sides of forum going while son is living with me.

❤️ @Appleblossom ...... sounds like a good idea Hon.