The Self and OK

Hi @Bast

Good on you!

It was so nice to see such a positive, self-supporting post from someone who clearly hurts a lot, and struggles, and freezes and all of that, but who can still hold onto the knowledge that they are a good person, a supportive, compassionate, aware person. You say you are interested in how others self care. How do you? I too am a MH practitioner, and know the fragility of the mask and the balance at times. For me, I hug my dog. I kiss my son's cheek, soft with sleep, and I remind myself that if I were not here - regardless of my many flaws, that I would be missed. I have something to give, however small.

I saw a new psychologist yesterday, I feel he may be helpful. We will see! I'm working on those SI thoughts and other maladaptive patterns of thought and behaviour. It's a tightrope that I walk, but I'm reaching out. This site has been a saviour to me, it really has.

Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts, I'm sure it will touch many,

Whim x

Hi Whim - thank you for your reply and understanding. I am really glad that you have found someone who will not only help and also heal, by hearing and listening.

I do things that matter to me, although allowing this is often a major battle. -

I cry (the self label is nasty 'tis (sooky la la) I adore my No. 1 rescue cat, 4 weeks old and distinctly bonded - she is incredible and responds to what I am feeling!

I allow myself the time to read and learn

I sleep in on work breaks - as much as I want/and or need

I reflect - is it true, how can it be otherwise and how can I make me OK?

Lotsa luv Bast

Hello @Bast,

This is such a lovely thread, there are many people on this forum who are such caring and ompassionate people and have been through trauma and yet still care for others. I do think people need to also focus more of their time on their self-care and how does one as a self compassionate person achieve self care.

My personal self care includes being in nature whether that is a walk in a park or a day trip to the country/beach but I try to include others so they can also benefit, so I guess I am caring for them but at the same time I am achieveing my own personal self-care?! It's a win win situation 🙂

Lunar

Dear Bast,

Thank you for your inspiring message! Too often we get bogged down in our difficulties and negative perceptions of ourselves. As to what is a "Self", my psychoanalyst said it is an illusion, but I believe that our "Self" is that inner core of us which is good and kind and compassionate. Now we only have to learn to be good and kind and compassionate towards ourselves!

It sounds as if you have excellent supports in place, and I am sure you have brought something positive to all the people who have read your post. We all have good qualities and strengths which matter.

I was so glad to hear from you, as I have been feeling a bit down these past few days and I needed reminding that I am still a valuable person.

Thank you, and all my very best wishes,

Ellu

Hi @Bast

Great to see you back posting .. with the often bittersweet truths of life.

I have a feeling that the self is similar to the old use of the word, the soul, but these days many people prefer the secular connotation more than religious.

I am struggling at the moment with my use of the word .. OK .. got annoyed with myself for being overly American .. ha ha .. finding alternatives that are more English & Australian.

I guess a lot of us may struggle with doubts and ambivalence til the end and I am getting to a place where I accept that thats .. OK.. lol

Cheers

Such a great post Bast!

For me it's hard caring for a partner with cancer. Providing care for one of my dogs that unfortunately has some health issues. Working full time. Being the sole source of income in the house. Knowing that my relationship with my partner is really nothing more than a carer/patient relationship and not the boyfriend/girlfriend that I want. Being let down by people I thought were my friends. Being in a lot of debt. Overcoming substance and alcohol abuse. The still constant daily struggle I have with myself to not let the 2 glasses of wine turn into 2 bottles. Fighting my own depression and compassion fatigue (which has recently been suggested I am experiencing).Constantly feeling unorganised and not being able to get things under any sort of control.

I've found that just by making sure at least once a day I do something that is for no other reason than I WANT to do it. There's no have to about it. It could be going for a walk, training my dogs, painting my nails, reading a book, listening to music, having a nap, meeting up with a friend. Just simple stuff but it's the one thing I do before all the have to stuff. It helps to just recharge those batteries a little and does give me a little extra energy sometimes to do the things I have to do - clean the house, do that crappy task at work I've been ptuting off etc.

I used to view doing things for myself as selfish. But I was trapped in such a cycle of resentment by always doing everything for everyone else ahead of my own needs - only to find out that on the whole no one was prepared to give anything back to me for that. It's hard to change a mindset that you've had for so much of your life and even though I wanted to stop the cycle of everyone else's needs and wants mattering so much more than my own it was still so oddly comfortable to be in that place I knew so well.

I'm not yet sure I like the person I am now but I needed to change and it's still an ongoing process. I do feel a lot better for having made some changes but it's still not an easy thing to do.

Hi lovely Appleblossom - your name says it all.And many thanks for your inspirational reply.

The self and the overaching mythologies are so important, to have belief in all that is kind, compassionate and caring - Christiantiy, Paganism, Buddhism, ATSI faith and everything else........

I also distinctly favour the concept of Karma and the wonders of random acts of kindness. I create a smile, I say hello, I find hope in the simplest acts of assistance and.......somehow allow others to reciprocate.

Whereas before, I would pull on the diagnosis and try to hide.

I may fluctuate and struggle that is truth however I will be honest to myself.......healing is possible now.

Lotsa luve Bast

Hi lovely peiople

I am so fortunate to have your support and inspirational replies.

My distress regarding seeing the psychiatirst was brilliantly resolved - I have to be grateful to you all and the fact Karma intervened, appointment cancelled due to personal leave. I now have 2 appointments with the psychologist to endeavour to be OK again.

I have decided to continue to live although the challenge is hard, and my resolve fluctuates constantly.

I am endeavouring to hold true to me.

I am caring loving and compassionate. I am strongly empathetic and the people I work with respond well. I am appreciated as a person regardless of the horror of diagnosis.

I echo the words of brilliant posters - I am a person continuing to grow. I am striving for completeness and stability however I have to acknowlede my fears are currently huge,

I am sad and so fearful that I am overwhelled with another episode and yet I continue to fight.

I have the ability to continue to care, to love, to think and be.

Lotsa luv Bast