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Family Issues

EV_New Contributor16 Nov 2023, 3:35 am AEDT

Family Issues

Hello all,

So I've been struggling with Mental Health for around 16 years (I am 31). I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizoaffective Disorder (Bipolar Type), both still current.

My mental health is somewhat of a roller coaster as you can imagine, I have been through 2 years of intensive DBT, and many pharmacological therapies including depot injections to try and manage it. After the intense amount of medication I was put on I started becoming quite reluctant to take it due to the many unwanted side effects it caused; including sleeping huge amounts, weight gain, drooling in my sleep among many other things.

After years I slowly got down to taking "smaller" amounts of just one medication, which was agreed upon by myself and my treating team. I have been hospital and episode free for over 10 months now.

The issue I am having is that, although I understand my past has not been pretty and my family obviously care for me, they are actually making it hard for me by treating me like I am a child and trying to control certain aspects of my life.

I have expressed my concerns to them multiple times, asking them to please stop. If I don't answer the phone one day I am asked if I am "still taking your medication because you seem to be distancing yourself?". No I just didn't want to answer the phone. Or if I go out to an event where a member of my family is, I am not allowed to consume any amount of alcohol without being told not to. I know my limits, I am more than capable of making that decision for myself. It doesn't really matter what it is, it could be simply suggesting I want to travel somewhere for a bit, the responses are always the same, "you can't do that, that's impulsive, are you taking your medication?". I think it's healthy for them to be concerned but at the same time I have a life, I need my freedom, if I make a mistake, so be it, that's honestly part of living.

Today was the tipping point for me, I have been so well with my BPD but today I couldn't manage it. I missed a phone call from my mum. My sister texts me a few hours later asking me if I'm taking my medications... I knew straight away they had spoken, so I asked my sister why she randomly and suddenly thinks I am not and she just shrugged it off. Hours later my mum texts me the same question and that's when I snapped. I told them to not talk to me. I don't want to continue down this road with them. If they can't treat me like an adult, I don't want to bother trying anymore. I want to be able to go and do things without being interrogated.

What should I do? How do I handle this because I honestly am at the point of just not replying to them which ironically will make their behaviour worse and then make me more upset.

3 replies

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In response to: Family Issues

hanamiSenior Contributor16 Nov 2023, 4:51 pm AEDT

Re: Family Issues

Hi @EV_

Welcome! It's so great you've been episode free for so long. But I totally get your frustration re your family. I would probably react the same as you to be honest. My mum was always wanting to 'stick her nose in'. It drove me crazy. I get it...she cared about me and wanted me to be ok....But I wanted to yell, mum, back off!

I think you have every right to say, you respect what they are trying to do but you need some space to be your own person. I think that's a totally valid thing to expect.

How do you think they'd react to that?

Sending hugs

Hanami

In response to: Re: Family Issues

tymeModerator16 Nov 2023, 6:17 pm AEDT

Re: Family Issues

Hey @EV_ ,

I hear what you are saying. I have BPD, and I have certainly experienced similar things.

I don't think people realise what goes through the mind of a borderline when 'ordinary' things happen.

I read that you knew straight away that your sister had been in communication based on her texting you about taking your meds....to the 'normal' people, this won't mean much, but for me (and probably you), it would mean, "You don't trust me - you are talking about me behind my back" - is that fair to say?

I've always wanted to write a book about what's going on in the mind of a borderline... I've just never gotten around to it!

But yes, I'm on the same page at you. I hear you and I can say I've been in a similar place.

In response to: Family Issues

FlotsamSenior Contributor19 Nov 2023, 2:48 pm AEDT

Re: Family Issues

@EV_

That is really hard, I am sorry this is happening for you.

You said your mental health was a roller coaster, I bet that was really hard, my husband has been suffering along with me for 2 years since a trauma when I developed PTSD. It was really hard for him to watch me so unwell, in and out of hospital and different medications. Wondering if I would still be alive when he got home from work. I see him now, if I am upset, he watches me to see if there is anything he can do. Sometimes I think our loved ones feel very powerless to help when they would take away all the suffering if they could.

I get why it is upsetting to think they don't trust you, I think you have to accept trust has been difficult as they really want to see you stay well. Can you maybe start to treat it like a joke, to lighten it up for everyone. Start saying Yes mum when your sister texts. If you are going to talk about something they might react to such as going away, preface it with, Yes I am taking my meds but I still think I might like to have a little holiday at ... Probably not what you want to hear, but it sounds like your family just wants to make sure you are okay and that is annoying you.

I am hoping that is because you are proud of how far you have come and would like them to recognise that? Maybe that is a conversation to have with them.

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