Topic Tuesday // Is it okay to ignore Christmas? // 13 Dec. 7pm AEDT

What a relief to hear others just want to ignore Christmas!! The pressure to have the best Christmas decorations, be the happiest, buy the best presents, cook the best food, have to catch up with family who really don't like me - the pressure is enormous! And I am just too tired!.... Too tired to shop for gifts because someone else will buy me one. Too tired to write Christmas cards with the happy newsy letter pretending it's been a great year - it hasn't! I want to be real - but no one else does. And why - I am religious but this expensive, pressure filled day with high expectations is not about any thing I can relate to. Thankyou for letting me vent - I have never admitted that to anyone.

Hi @BlueBay, sorry to hear you're doing it so tough right now. It sounds like you have great kids though if they understand the value of getting together over a meal rather than being indulged financially. One of your posts about Christmas a while back made me think. You mentioned going down to the beach and I got this image of you taking a little bit of time out while you're down there to grieve for your parents and the Christmases of your past. Sitting on the sand, feet buried, looking out at the sea, giving yourself permission to really feel the loss. But then, when you're ready, getting up and paddling through the ocean back to your family to join the present.

Not sure if that resonates for you but I think it's important to honour our wounds without letting them colour our whole experience. The ocean can be so grounding and cleansing. I wondering if you can work some version of that into your day and whether that might help?

You know the one thing that seems quite obvious, and I am making a sweeping generalisation, but it seems the pressure is on mothers to 'make' Christmas special for everyone else. That's how I'm feeling again but this year my mum has added the pressure on me to do it for them too. Seriously a bottle of wine under a big shady tree sounds like a nice day in my book. Last year the pressure had me land in hospital 4 days before Christmas and home Christmas Eve to chaos. Not planning of a repeat of that.

@Former-Member I've only been with my partner for four years, and he's getting the picture that I just, really don't, like it. I think he found it hard to believe that anyone hates it for itself or for the pressure. While the direct pressure is off a little more each year, there is still the guilt trips and the moody silences that I more and more won't come to the party. At least this year he's not suggested we have his father over for lunch! But I know that he resents me for sucking the joy out of xmas for him too. Mind you, he's free to go off and do what he likes, but then there's the "it's not the same without you" routine, and doesn't get that it really does not bother me. I'm happy for him to go off and do that, but he's not great at listening. He's an assumer, you know.

I had the xmas you dream of once, when I was a single mum. My kids and I stayed home all day, no visitors, no visiting anyone else, ate chocolate and played video games all day. It was so brilliant. When that day comes, it will be precious, trust me 🙂

You're amongst friends @Kate09 🙂 Yes, the competitive under-current of Christmas doesn't help - comparing plans and experiences. I've opted out of all but the very essential - no cards and even no presents except for my daughter, nephew and nieces. Even then, pressure abounds and tiredness is never far off. Sigh.