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Trying to keep trying

StarLight4New Contributor13 Nov 2023, 5:26 pm AEDT

Trying to keep trying

I’m new to this forum. I have a complex background with my mental health all stemming from trauma in my childhood, to early adulthood. I thought I got myself into a good place, but I have realised I just fell into another hole again, just not as deep as the other holes I’ve fallen into. I’ve ended a toxic relationship and now am trying to find a home on my own. I feel like I’m doing really well compared to past experiences where I have had to make sudden changes, but sometimes I feel so lonely like no one understands these changes affect me so deeply.

I had a very unstable home growing up so this change and not having my own space really makes me feel dependent on others and lonely at the same time. Any support or encouraging words, even some light advice I am welcome to.

2 replies

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In response to: Trying to keep trying

scruffypuffballSenior Contributor13 Nov 2023, 6:03 pm AEDT

Re: Trying to keep trying

What you are going through is at epidemic proportions all around the world. Trauma and inequality. We desperately need a new deal type social /economic safety net. We almost had it in 2020-2021 (there was student loan forgiveness, temporary rent freeze, job keeper, public health mitigations etc) but the powers that be altered course and it is worse than ever. This has been going on 50 years. What I learned studying economics and politics is things dont get better until power feels threatened. In the meantime dont internalise (blame yourself) for something you did not cause or was beyond your control. We were born into a broken system. The Myth Of Normal by Gabor Mate covers some of the issues.

https://www.blogtalkradio.com/thesavvyshrink/2017/10/24/the-intersection-of-complex-trauma-in-childhood-toxic-relationships-in-adults

I am going thru exactly the same thing as you. I am in a hole (lost my parents) but hole not as deep as before. Also history of trauma. Intense loneliness, gawd so bloody awful. But listening to the above podcast and reaching out here and other forums and reaching out to friends helps. Take it slowly and be kind to yourself. Sending blessings your way.

I would say the hurt and isolation you are feeling at the moment is due to ending a traumatic relationship as well as recent changes in your life. These are normal emotional responses. Ending a toxic relationship is dealing with a trauma bond. They are devastating and addictive (more addictive than heroin) so it is like coming off a heroin addiction. I posted something yesterday which gave information on how to deal with it and trauma in general.

In response to: Trying to keep trying

Blackbird11Senior Contributor14 Nov 2023, 3:56 pm AEDT

Re: Trying to keep trying

Welcome to the forums @StarLight4

Your situation sounds like it's been hard for you, let me reassure you that you are not alone, we're here for you. You might find this factsheet useful... Traumatic events (sane.org)

It's because you care deeply that you experience deep feelings. Do you have support in your life?

"If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive." - Brené Brown

A handy forum tip press the @ function and a list of names will appear, highlight the name/s you want to add, and they will be notified.

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