Topic Tuesday// MEN-tal Health // Tuesday 28th November 2023 5:30-7PM AEDT

Hey everyone!

The discussion will be kicking off in15 minutes on this thread! To come along, please refresh this page at 5:30pm and join the conversation.

In this discussion we will be talking about:

• Why men have a tendency to supress their emotions
• Why is it important for men to reach out
• How men can navigate the everchanging face of support

We can’t wait to see you there at 5:30pm! 😊

Tagging those that have interacted with the post/ or that are online right now and might like to join the discussion: @chibam @StanD @Sophia1 @anon28 @Healandlove @MzUnique1 @Spicy_Squirrel @Bill16 @Ceejay_ @Dimity @FightingForYout @Oaktree @Meowmy @Former-Member @Snowie @StuF @creative_writer @deshift

Welcome to everyone joining us or reading along tonight!

Firstly, we would like to acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of the various different lands across Australia that we are joining this discussion from tonight. We pay respect to the elders of those communities (past and present) and further extend that respect to any other Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander people with us tonight or reading back through the thread.

Tonight, we are joined with SANE Peer Mentor @Bon_courage for an empowering discussion on Men’s Mental Health.

To get us started, I invite @Bon_courage to introduce himself. Let’s get this discussion started! Everyone is welcome here & thank you for joining us! 😊

Hello All. My name is Dean. My pronouns are he/him. I’m 53-years-old and I am a father of two daughters. I’m a Peer Mentor here at SANE. I have previously worked as Senior Peer with South-West Sydney LHD – with NSW Health as part of their Towards Zero Suicides Program. I worked in an outreach unit called SPOT & and an inbound crisis centre called Safe Haven. I’ll tell you more about it later in this segment. I have Lived Experience of suicidal crisis in the context of a relationship breakdown.

I am passionate about Men’s Mental Health because I live and breathe some of the struggles that many Men feel. Can I unequivocally state that I’m NOT the expert here. We all have our own individual experience. And no situation is alike. What I feel I can bring to the conversation is some first-hand experience working on the front line of Suicide prevention, my own lived experience and several years of Peer work experience supporting people experiencing mental health challenges.

In the course of my peer practice, I have had the privilege to connect and collaborate with many services specifically tackling Men's mental Health. I find this space motivating and meaningful. This, I feel, is my little bit. In my role as a Peer, I always practise from a person-centred perspective, providing the people I support with a safe space, unconditional positive regard and an opportunity for self-discovery. 

Time for our first question of the night for @Bon_courage

Tell us a little bit about men’s mental health! Why is it important that men reach out for support?

Thanks for the question......I may start here with some sobering numbers and patterns to reflect on.

• Three times as many men than women die of suicide.
• Men are anecdotally reluctant to seek Mental health help for a variety of reasons some being cultural some to do with societal expectations or our expectations of ourselves (often it is quite a blurred line). We go through a list of factors later.
• Presentations at Mental Health services show a sharp tendency towards more women than men seeking help.

Why is it important? because while we may think that we can or should tough it out, that we should behave like we’re invincible; we are simply human. We have physical and emotional needs. Our emotional needs, often neglected or even suppressed, are just as important. Like all humans we thrive when connected. Isolating ourselves is not a long-term strategy.

@Bon_courage, so do you think it's more a case of "men being the problem" - of them being infected with a stubbornness that needs to be cured? Or is it more a case that the act of help-seeking (under currant conditions) isn't a productive course of action? I've been of the impression that it's more the latter then the former.

I really like this @Bon_courage- it's a really important reminder!

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@Bon_courage wrote:

we may think that we can or should tough it out, that we should behave like we’re invincible; we are simply human. We have physical and emotional needs. Our emotional needs, often neglected or even suppressed, are just as important. Like all humans we thrive when connected. Isolating ourselves is not a long-term strategy.

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@chibam Thanks for asking the question. My take is not so much men being the problem but recognising different strategies and opportunities to offer support in the mental health space can achieve different results.

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@TideisTurning wrote:

I really like this @Bon_courage- it's a really important reminder!

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@Bon_courage wrote:

we may think that we can or should tough it out, that we should behave like we’re invincible; we are simply human. We have physical and emotional needs. Our emotional needs, often neglected or even suppressed, are just as important. Like all humans we thrive when connected. Isolating ourselves is not a long-term strategy.

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I think it's a really confusing time for men, in terms of how they ought to be, emotionally. And I think it's summed up really well with a scene in that Bredan Fraser/Liz Hurley movie "Bedazzled". Bredan Fraser finds out the girl he's crushing on wants a sweet guy who isn't afraid to show his emotions; so he makes a wish to become just like that. But then she goes and runs off with the "alpha male" tough guy bullies. And I think a lot of guys find that there's a fair degree of truth to that scene.

So it's like, showing your emotions; holding back your emotions - it doesn't matter, either way your doing the wrong thing and you have to be chastised for it!