Let’s raise a toast! TO SOBRIETY!

I never know how to start these posts.

Last time I saw my psychologist, I said I miss drinking. She asked me what I missed about it, and I struggled to answer that question.

One of the things I miss about drinking was the way it made me feel in that it made me carefree at the time. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, so it literally makes you a little bit more carefree. Like not worrying what someone will think of you if you do something you think will be fun. Kind of like a kid.

Today, I was sober as can be. At lunch, though, I went for a big long walk around my city. Unfortunately, I took a wrong turn and ended up on the other end of the city. I took the train back, but I ended up half an hour late back to the office.

I don’t know if you remember the last time you were lost, but I ended up being in a bit of a state of delirium, dazed and confused, as if I was drunk. I was so incredibly tired after I got back. They should have a napping room in the office.

I had a moderate amount of alcohol that night, as I was the only one left in the office, finishing up a lengthy and detailed e-mail to a client. It’s pretty funny, the client actually wrote back saying “thank you for your hard work, this made a lot of sense.” That’s really sweet, but I thought in the back of my head, “I was tipsy at the time” LOL.

I’ve been controlling my alcohol intake, down to once a week or two. I’ve noticed, though. I like alcohol, but I hate the way it makes me feel afterwards. It does make me more sad. I lost control of it, and I ended up having a huge mental health crisis as a result of it, so however little I drink, I’m never going to have the same relationship with it.

All this being said, our work Christmas party is coming up. The first time I ever got drunk was at my first work Christmas party just last year. That was so much fun, but now the context is pretty different.

I am genuinely torn whether to go, considering the event is FULL of alcohol. I don’t know whether to go at all, whether to go and not drink (that doesn’t sound great), and the most difficult part, how to explain to my family that I want to go. It’s unfortunate, but having that history with alcohol, that’s really something to think about.

It’s like having a drinking problem and then being gifted a bottle of alcohol. It’s great, and the alcoholic in you loves the idea, but it just makes things a little bit more complex. It’s not a big deal, but it’s just a little annoying.

So here’s to sobriety, the best thing nobody wants. That’s a joke, if you’re sober, it’s a good place to be.