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Advice?

Advice?

I don't know if this is allowed...
but I'm scared my husband might be taking advantage of my past trauma to control me in the bedroom.
I'm not really too sure what do and I'm really confused.

46 replies

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In response to: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Hi @Former-Member

i'm glad you're still here, and i was glad to hear that you have a friend who is helping you and knows whats going on. I hope that your appointment comes up soon, but definitely still recommend the 1800 respect line. Hoping that you're safe in the mean time. It's worth hanging in there, you never know what is around the corner! Its just so tough, making decisions that help you get around the corner 😞

here listening though

lj

In response to: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Thank you.
I sort of spoke with my husband today, so he now knows that I don't like what he was doing.
I just feel sick that he has done it, in the conversation with him, he knows it's the wrong thing. And I just don't know how I feel!
How do you go on like normal?
He has betrayed me in the worst way possible.

I contacted 1800respect but they couldn't help me on chat, they said I had to ring them, but talking on the phone makes me so anxious!

In response to: Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Hello @Former-Member, Proud of you for speaking to your husband about what you were feeling. Going on like normal will be hard as I have had to do the same thing. It will take time to sort yourself out and you must take care of your self. There are alot of phone support, ever lifeline if you wish. Yes talking about it will make you anxious and that is normal.

Have you thought of contacting Relationships Australia. They may be able to give you some advise for yourself and where to go to get some counselling quicker.

Your husband has admitted he has done the wrong thing and if he respects you enough will give you the time and space to heal. Only when you are ready, move on with the changes. These too can be scary but that is where I found comfort and support in this forum knowing that there are other people out there that understand and have experienced what you are going through.

Make sure you talk to you friend when you need to. Keep in contact.

Huggs to you:)

In response to: Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

that is great that you were able to talk to your husband @Former-Member ... do you feel safe now that you've talked to him? My experiences were that trying to talk tomy ex or saying no in any sort of way made things worse for me.. so thats why i ask do you/are you safe?

Im so glad you contacted 1800 respect, though disappointed to hear that they wanted to talk in person. That has happened to me before on a different chat line and like you i'm too anxious to talk on the phone.

I know know the answer to how to just 'go on'... there isnt any easy way to just keep going but you've put in places the counselling already (please do go to that, even if you feel as though your partner won't do it again now that you've talked to him). I fell into the trap of thinking every time things got a little bit better that they'd never get bad again.. and my ex never (and still wont) take any responsibiility for his behaviour.

keep posting about how youre going/feeling if it helps,

lj

In response to: Advice?

Re: Advice?

I should clarify.
I spoke to him as if I was talking about a friend, saying, 'this is happening to a friend, what do you think'
So I got his opinion (he knew it was wrong), and he asked me about it and I said it was wrong, so I'm hoping that's enough for him to realise that it shouldn't happen again.
I couldn't come straight out and ask, I didn't feel comfortable, which is why I spoke as if I was taking about a friend.

I think i am safe. He still sucks at being supportive with the mental health stuff, doesn't want me seeing a therapist or when I was told I needed to go into hospital, he didn't like that at all. So I'm unsure where to go or what to do because I'm at the point where hospital is fast becoming my only choice.
This is just so hard.
I still have intrusive thoughts almost daily 😞

In response to: Re: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Good morning @Former-Member, I sounds to me that you may be in a controlling relationship. If he respected you enough he would encourage you to seek help. This all sound familure to me as I have been there with a husband who want me to do only what suited him. You need to be honest and trust yourself and feelings. Go and get help and stay safe.

In response to: Advice?

Re: Advice?

I don't know if I'm in a controlling relationship or not, I keep second guessing myself and thinking I'm just over reacting! I think I'm a bad person, I think no-one likes me, I think that I deserve everything I get, I suck!!!

But then everything adds up... I am so confused, I don't now what to do! Maybe I should just pretend like nothing is wrong, not see a counsellor, not do anything and move on.

In response to: Advice?

Re: Advice?

What's your bloke doing

In response to: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Hell no don't sweep this under the rug
Seek help
List the issues
If as you say I'd doesn't add up it won't add up
Abuse is subtle and creeps up millimetre by millimetre

In response to: Advice?

Re: Advice?

Are you going out?
And how much
Does he pass messages on to you
After the event

If he does any of these things seek help

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