Unlearning

Hi @212

Thank you for posting, that takes a lot of bravery, strength, and courage.

I want to acknowledge your incredible strength and resilience as you've worked to unlearn the trauma that once held you captive. Your journey is a testament to your bravery and the power of healing.

Know that healing is not a linear path. There may be moments when the past resurfaces, but each time you confront it, you become stronger. You have the power to rewrite your story, and you're not alone in this journey.

You are deserving of all the love, happiness, and peace that life has to offer. Your future is filled with endless possibilities, and the beauty of your unburdened spirit will shine brightly.

Keep moving forward, one step at a time, and always hold on to hope.

You have a wonderful support system here on the Sane Forums with people who believe in you and are here to uplift and stand by you.

-Melbcoffeesnob

Hi @212

I just want to say I'm so sorry you went through this. I know about narcissist relatives. It's truly awful.

You are not a total eff up by any means. You may feel broken but you can feel whole again. There is always hope. There are many different types of therapy you could try. I'm imagining some things have been tried with you being involuntary. But I would say trauma-informed therapy would be something to focus on.

I'm so glad you found us and hope you find it supportive here as I'm sure you will. There are many other members who can most likely relate to your story.

warmest regards

Hanami

Hey @212 ,

I can absolutely relate to your post. I never realised my childhood upbringing affected me so much until it was pointed out by my psychologist. Again and again he shared that I am the result of emotional neglect. I failed to understand this, let alone accept it. Yet the symptoms of BPD took over my life.

The emotional was so intense that it was beyond description. If only people realised how much I was hurting, they'd stop looking at my scars.

Inpatient after inpatient.... involuntary admission after involuntary admission... year after year.... I eventually found the therapy to 'unlearn' my unhelpful thinking patterns. It was a long, strenuous treatment, but I can say today that I am really a changed person. Group therapy was most impactful. The therapy was mentalisation-based therapy.

Things can and do get better @212 - I've proved it.

Hi @212 welcome, and sorry to hear of your troubled situation/history.

You touched on a key point, that is the level of awareness. This is something that only comes with age, maturity and enough life experience as an adult to start asking questions about life and one’s own upbringing.

I’m at a similar age to you and I’m only just starting to ask those questions, and it’s a real headspin to consider things through a totally different lens.

Many people go through their whole lives with deep personality flaws, and completely lack any form of introspective ability to understand how they are harming those around them. You can self-examine, and that puts you way in front of many, many people.

The past cannot be changed but it gives us the wisdom to do better in the future. You don’t need to unlearn it, it is life experience and you can now choose a different path. If you forget the past, how will you know the path you’re heading down is any better? 🙂

Thankyou for your understanding.

I can see now that it's relatively easy to make a decision and new direction once you've gained awareness, yes.

I have made the decision to block my half sister today, as she aligned with my mother in bullying me, but I feel horrible about it.

All we do is exchange Christmas and birthday texts, and it makes me feel hurt and angry because I always wanted real connection .

It's a painful thing to do , but I am unlearning that I need her acceptance and love.

This is an example.

I'm not completely alone, I have some family, three older half sister from my Dad, and I'm suddenly valuing them so much more, and regret not being available for my nephew who's 22 now , but they are still kind to me, and from now on I can connect with them from a confidence place which I never could. As I can now for my sisters who do care.

I'm only child of my parents , with half siblings on either side , and have felt very alone in my position in the family.

When I was 11, Dad's older daughters had all left home ,and Mum's two children were visiting their father for the weekend, the fights between them were severe, and I memorised my aunts number , and hid and called her to come get us..My father struggled with mental health and was extremely abusive, so someone had to do something. Everyone of us were scared of him.

But he wasn't all bad, just very wounded himself.

After we left , I really had no support, I had the opposite.

I was forced to tell my father I didn't want to see him, and wasn't even allowed to mention him.

I learned very quickly that my mother and her other two children demanded exclusive loyalty, and I was never accepted by them because I was Dads child ,to them he was the devil...

I couldn't express anger for example.

I learned it wasn't OK to be me.

So I pretty much got brainwashed.

I'm now experiencing so much disgust at the situation.

My siblings even took my share of the small inheritance from mum.

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Her husband treated me no better, and a big part of it was they were alltreated differently from her in general. And didn't understand mental illness at all.

But part of it was they were tired of my behaviour too.

So I'm very angry ,while processing this but it's also a freedom

I am creating a healthy boundary by blocking my sister and I am still questioning myself ...

That's the worthiness , no worthiness just like borderline.

I am also going to a medium to try and get some healing messages.

See themes in my delusions over the years made sense...I'm not sure if you can discuss specific delusion experiences here?

Just wondering?

Any tips on dealing with deep shame would be helpful 🙂

Some beautiful points there @nervouswreck @212 .

I can see how much you have struggled @212 - it certainly takes a lot to have the realisation that you want to put in those boundaries to let you heal.

I hear that you have a few family members who are kind to you and connect with you.

For myself, I cut family off for about 20 years so that I could heal. And when I did, I was more able to connect with them.

Please hang in there.

We are listening. You are not alone.

Thankyou for the hope ,and I'm sorry for what you went through, hospitalisation can be so devastating.

What kind of therapdid you h ave?

Thanks @tyme

Did you have similar experience?

Thanks for your uplifting kind words , there is a lot of positive in allthis processing...I am going from anger and love and back again, but that will ease in time.

Do you think that I could develop confidence and self worth, I wonder if it's possible @Melbcoffeesnob

Thanks @hanami , I am seeing my psychologist tomorrow and I'll bring that term up , I've never heard it.

I feel so supported already o this forum.