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To be social or not?

To be social or not?

Long-term depression and anxiety sufferer, adult-diagnosed ADHD+ASD. Been through a lot in the last few months and struggling a lot. And live alone. Lately I’ve been grappling with feelings like I want to be social and see people and do things (which is not a usual craving for me as an introvert) but then when I consider reaching out to friends and making plans I then feel like I really don’t actually want to do anything. Maybe I don’t really want to be social but I just don’t want to be sad and alone with my own thoughts/feelings? Then I’m paralysed by the indecision and want to scream. Anyone else grapple with these feelings? And if so what do you do that helps?

5 replies

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In response to: To be social or not?

Re: To be social or not?

Hi @Meredith13 it could be a natural desire for human interaction conflicting with the “safe” choice of staying home in your comfort zone (for lack of better phrase). I’ve felt a similar kind of inner tug-of-war.

Smaller steps could be to go to the shops or a local cafe, order a coffee, be polite and smile and give thanks and just enjoy that simple outing. Then the next time go a bit further and meet a friend for a coffee.

It’s a myth that introverts are loners. Everyone benefits from contact with others, we are innately social creatures. It’s simply that extroverts need to be very social to feel good, and introverts need a smaller amount of socialisation to be satisfied.

In response to: Re: To be social or not?

Re: To be social or not?

Thank you @nervouswreck that’s actually super helpful. People have suggested going on solo dates like going out for dinner alone but that seems super scary, just a coffee is way less of a big commitment/more achievable. I’ll set the goal of popping down to the cafe three doors down tomorrow morning. Thank you for the support!

In response to: To be social or not?

Re: To be social or not?

@Meredith13 👋🏼 Hi.

I am being very selective about my circle of friends.

When I feel lonely, which is often, I go for a walk. I breathe lots of fresh air.

I bring my focus back to myself, what can I hear? What can I smell?

How are you feeling at the moment?

In response to: Re: To be social or not?

Re: To be social or not?

@nervouswreck good tips

@Glisten maybe I should try .. the being selective ... been all inclusive for while. Time for a change.

@Meredith13 Welcome to the forum. Even posting on here .. is a form of being social ...

In response to: To be social or not?

Re: To be social or not?

Hey @Meredith13

Welcome to the forums

It can be tricky... it depends I suppose. Are you hesitant because you are worried it will be overwhelming for you (some introverts have a small social battery, where only after just a couple of hours you've had enough)? Perhaps if that is the case, you could ask a friend to come over for something like a jigsaw puzzle? Sometimes I do this with my friends and it's nice because we are concentrating on the puzzle we can just sit with some music playing but not have to chat the whole time. It's relaxing and nice to be around a friend but not overly demanding.

If you have a dog, maybe you could take them to a dog park? I find people are often chatty (but you just talk about your dogs) and you may never see them again so there is no ongoing obligation. Which is nice because there is the social aspect but no pressure.

Sometimes going shopping for yourself, books, new clothes, hobbies etc is a nice way to get out of the house and treat yourself but not have that commitment, you can leave and go home whenever you want.

Start small, and see how it goes. Do you have a neighbour or friend who lives nearby? Could always go for a walk around the block.

Good luck, and you're always welcome to come and post on here. There are threads about all sorts of topics, you might find some that interest you and can be social that way too 🙂

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