Not coping

Hi,

I feel your pain but also admire your courage for reaching out for help. I still can’t do that in my dark day. I’m so scared to loose my job if express any SI thoughts to a professional that I’m silently suffering and pretending that all I feel is just a depression. I never had any mental health issues. Suddenly after a rough breakup I became depressed . It’s been 5 months and it is still ongoing. I was an insecure person but I always able to navigate through the good and bad days. We call it resilience. I was resilient. I lost that. I lost my self esteem and my self love with it.
most of people to not understand the pain. So I see you and I do understand how it feels.
be strong, you are doing great just by recognising your struggles and reaching out for help. Not everyone is able to do that.

@JMBK has taken me long time to reach out for help as been too scared. Too scared would be admitted to psych ward. In my early 20’s saw my dad in psych ward on and off, not nice memories on top of my own mental health issues.

got upset this morning when nurse mentioned about me going into the hospital and she asked why. First person outside these forums I’ve told about my fears about psych ward. Nurse told me prevention unit is like an outpatient clinic and that she does not see any reason I would be admitted to psych ward based on answers I provided her.

after struggling for decades with local drs to get help with my mental health it has been a reassurance being listened to. For me, reaching out for help versus leaving my cats without only person they have known …. I could not do that to them.

Hi @Former-Member

You showed a lot of courage to reach out for help. It is not easy doing that.

I'm sorry about your nightmares. I can understand how debilitating they are. They can take over our entire lives.

Is there anything that you do that brings joy to your life? I sense that your cats are a big part of it.

Hey @Former-Member ,

Your strength and resilience shines through your posts. It sounds so incredibly difficult. We are so glad you reached out, both here on the forums and also over the phone.

I hope you will be able to get admission to a prevention and recovery centre so that you current needs are met. Yes, their threshold for risk is lower, but if you can guarantee your safety, it is certainly a helpful option.

I've been in these centres about 5 times in my life. These admissions played a massive part in my recovery. It was enough to take the edge off things, just to know I was in a safe place during my difficult periods.

Hope that makes sense. Please continue reaching out. You are not alone.

Hi @Snowie my cats do bring me joy and are the only things in my life. I know they need me as much as I need them. Usually I would do a hobby, go for walk or go for drive, have no interest in them. I know not safe for me to drive on one specific road at the moment.

I’m missing my mum so much, wanting to actually talk with her and hear her voice as we talk about my new home, look at the photos etc. to spend more time with my husband. Both would have loved my cats. Scared me this morning when realised I wasn’t thinking about my cats, realising my only thoughts were about never waking again so can be with my mum, my hubby and other family

I'm glad you have our cats @Former-Member Our fur babies are family too.

I'm sorry that you have had such loss in your life. Life is really not fair at times.

I can understand the not wanting to do anything. Everyday I struggle just to leave my house, my safety.

I hope by connecting here that you find some support that you deserve. We all do.

@tyme Thanks for your words of encouragement plus the information.

I feel safe talking about and reaching out in the forums.

as I mentioned in reply to @Snowie this morning my first thoughts and words were about wanting to permanently end the nightmares and go home to be with my mum and husband. Miss them both so much. Then I thought of my cats and knew for their sake I need help.

im hoping when I start to see psychiatrist that can get some help also. I have days when feeling happy, go to bed and wake with non passive SI thoughts. There is no middle ground.

MH nurse has encouraged me to talk to my psychologist about the SI thoughts and mood swings. Something I know is going to take lots of courage

Thanks @JMBK @tyme @Snowie

Feeling very alone today. Chatting on the forums does help

I'm passing through for a bit, so we can certainly have a chat 🙂 @Former-Member

What are some things you are interested in?

Things I like doing are diamond art, knitting, crocheting and working with Lego. Trying to focus on building replica of Titanic in Lego currently