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End of the road

Kat1998New Contributor17 Oct 2023, 4:17 am AEDT

End of the road

I’ve been excluded from uni. I was due to graduate this year.

I feel like I’m hitting the end of the road and this is why,I’ve dealt with this all my life but have never been this deep. Im only 25 and don’t want to end it but I don’t want to live either.

what led up to the exclusion of was this:

- have severe adhd, can’t concentrate on anything along with depression and anxiety

- changed degrees a couple of times after high school. Found one I enjoyed and in a field I really wanted to be in but the kicker was I started during covid and that messed me completely.

- back to face to face learning, got into a traumatic relationship with someone else with adhd, the only person who I felt could understand me. Have had to call police on them, and stress of it made me attempt again. Think I’m stuck in a trauma bond.

- all of this has made me fail uni this year. Parents and grandparents talking about how proud they are to see me graduate. Kills me inside. Not sure if I’m going to loose my job as well. I tried getting help begged for an advocate but was really hard. I don’t know if it’s ptsd or what but I couldn’t reply to the special consideration emails.

- had to have an abortion, didn’t really want it but also have no money, no support and no good mental health for that right now.

Don’t know how I will tell people I’ve failed. The shame and guilt is too much. I think I know what must be done. I have tried to seek help but never get far.

no one knows what’s going on. I really can’t live with this constant failure. It’s be got a massive debt with nothing to show. All I wanted to was to finish this one degree. I can’t sleep and am constantly anxious and miserable. I really cannot see my life getting better at this point. The sad thing is I’ve struggled since I was a child and really hoped I’d get older and things would be easier. Guess not

7 replies

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In response to: End of the road

marchhareSenior Contributor17 Oct 2023, 4:38 am AEDT

Re: End of the road

Hi Kat1998,

Welcome to the forums. I am sorry things may seem so bleak at the moment. I have sent you an email and I am sure forum members will support you further when they read your post.

Take care,

Marchhare

In response to: End of the road

Kyle1Senior Contributor17 Oct 2023, 8:37 am AEDT

Re: End of the road

hi @Kat1998

Im sorry to hear how difficult life feels right now. Sounds like youve been making a huge effort for quite some time, infact...

and that can be exhausting on so many levels.!

I empathise a lot with the quandary you're in. In regards to university and not letting the expectations of family down...I've been there.

In regards to not wanting to end "it", but wanting to at the same time...totally relate.

Sometimes I go to bed @ night praying "don't wake me up tomorrow, God".

I am a single parent dealing with (and unable to deal with) anxiety, ptsd, depression. So far I have tried everything I know to feel better again. Including reaching out for help when I no longer have a clue...

I'm wondering if you've yet been able to engage a counsellor?

Even speaking with your GP can be a good start for further support. (Not all GP's are the same, but you may find many are sensitive to mental health issues).

In the mean time, SANE has a counselling service available by phone - if you feel upto it. ?

Having dealt with all you have for this long shows you are stronger than you may think at the moment...

It does take time to build a suitable support network around us, and then to slowly walk this thing out - one day at a time. Taking advantage of these forums can be helpful along the way, too! So thank you for sharing your story. And welcome.

Please feel free to stay in touch if you have more you'd like to talk about, or questions, OK?

Until then, Kat, remember: "time and patience turn mullberry leaves to silk"

💚

In response to: Re: End of the road

alliebelleNew Contributor17 Oct 2023, 10:01 am AEDT

Re: End of the road

Hi. Sorry to hear you are feeling down. I think sometimes even though our intellectual interests lead us one way, the life that would better suit our needs can look different.

I tried 3 times to finish art school, and eventually chose a lower qualification and finish early. Very mixed feelings for me there but it was the right choice.

Could you stay in your field of choice with a diploma or similar?

In response to: Re: End of the road

hanamiSenior Contributor17 Oct 2023, 10:24 am AEDT

Re: End of the road

Hi @Kat1998

So sorry to hear about your current situation. Things seem really difficult for you. Please keep reaching out, we are here to support and care for you. @Kyle1 has some amazing advice and I also like @alliebelle suggestion that you could do a diploma or other course that has less pressure.

Just want to say @alliebelle welcome to you! I'm one of the peer moderators here at SANE.

I hope you both find it a welcoming and friendly space to be in.

Warmest wishes

Hanami

In response to: End of the road

MessylifeSenior Contributor17 Oct 2023, 1:56 pm AEDT

Re: End of the road

Sounds like you are in quite a mess. I'm sorry it has rained spanners on you.

It may feel like you are at the end of the road, but...it could just mean that you have hit a forest. In that forest could be anything. It is scary. REALLY scary. I am 80 percent through my second degree and also in a terrible relationship. Failing miserably to thrive. I have no diagnosis but do I know I have attention issues and with all life's stresses, work, kids, getting old, health issues, career and financial insecurity, life has been bumpy. I hate all these bumps. I want to quit. I am spiralling.

I think we need to make peace with ourselves.

A friend once said, sometimes we have to hit rock bottom hard before we can bounce back up.

I sit here today with my list of jobs. Everything is a mess and the only advice I can offer is to know you are in good company. People survive struggles all the time and it makes them into wonderfully adjusted and successful people.

Trust you are brave and have inner strength to push through. Take small steps and lots of them. Work on something that matters today, like...exercise or a healthy meal. Read an article. Visit a friend or relative, tend to the garden, do some chores. We will get through this.

Hugs

In response to: End of the road

Blackbird11Senior Contributor17 Oct 2023, 2:59 pm AEDT

Re: End of the road

Hi @Kat1998

Glad you are here, it takes courage to reach out. We're here for you... Get support (sane.org)

There is also a factsheet here... Anxiety disorder (sane.org) that has lots of useful information.

'Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.'
– Winston Churchill

In response to: End of the road

MissMuffetSenior Contributor18 Oct 2023, 4:34 pm AEDT

Re: End of the road

Hi @Kat1998

It's never the end of the road. It's just a bump or a crest, or a pit-stop or a breakdown...

What you've described seems like an awful lot to go through in a short amount of time. No wonder you feel the way you do.

I'm only 5 years old than you but I have been there. I dropped out of uni twice, failed at many attempts working in the field I wanted to (but somehow managed to stay in a job I was so bored with for years). But I still feel lost. I feel like I've failed my dad because I never got that degree. I'm about to finish 2 years of TAFE with nothing to show for it because I couldn't complete all the theory. I started a business that never took off and wasted so much money.

I know it feels like it's the end, but I promise it isn't.

In terms of practical steps you can take;

You can get the debt reversed, if you get a letter from your doctor. I had this done for the semester where I didn't sit my exams.

The subjects you have completed can be used at a later date as "recognition of prior learning"

Are you able to apply for a leave of absence instead? So you take the rest of the semester off and return next year?

I think right now you need to focus on your health and yourself, you are not a failure and you can take a break from study until you are well enough to try again. Is there anyone at all, maybe a friend who you can confide in that can help you get to a GP and get the paperwork and help you to withdraw from the course without penalty? For what it's worth when I dropped out it was exactly one week before my exams and I didn't get any fails on my transcript.

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