@fluffylight @hanami
I just got home from ER. I have cellulitis from my waist down to halfway down to my knees, inside of my thighs, a bit of the rear of me. They have outlined it. It was just waist down to top of genitals. but has grown. Fortunately it hasnt affected my genitals however I have some other infection down there. There isnt much they can do about that one until the cellulitis is dealt with. I have some staf infection as well and once they have got that and the cellulitis resolved I need to go and get tested for MRSA. The ER doc has/is organising for hospital at home again and for more IV Antibiotics but is recommending a different antibiotic when I come off the IV antibiotics to deal with both infections.
I was in ER for ages and by the time anything was being done my painkillers had worn off, by the time I was done I was in agony. I had a script for my painkillers so I got myself to the chemist, which wasnt a fun ride. I went in and gave them the script and asked them if they could hurry it, that I was in a shit load of pain. I got a drink and sat waiting for the script and ended up tearing up, it was the first chance I had to just sit and the pain really overwhelmed me. I paid for the painkillers, walked out of the chemist and sat down and took a full dose and then went home.
Im not coping with this continual onslaught of illnesses, pain, conditions. The constant being in medical environments. Its not just the money, though thats hard but being really sick all the time is taking a toll, not just being sick, but sick with multiple sicknesses, pain, conditions etc. On top of all that, I dont sleep much. I get a couple hours 3x a day thats it, even then it doesnt add up to a normal persons full nights sleep, but I need 10hrs not 8 and Im rarely even getting 6. So, Im exhusted all the time. I want this to be over and I dont see any avenue for that to happen that isnt a bad one. My support people have organised for me to start seeing the suicide prevention team, Im on board with this, I kinda drove it. Its not so much that I want end it, I am just out of any other reasonable or logical options.
I told my Dad about this but swore him to silence about it. I am telling my Dad about the seriously important stuff but nothing more. The whole family thing at home bullshit Im done with, I have given Mum chance after chance but it appears that Im not enough for her, I dunno. She wont prioritise me at all, my sister is so much worse or Mum is. She treats Dad like less than shit, shit would be a step up. Dad wont stand up to Mum, even for me or my sister, knowing how close we are to the edge he still stands and essentially waves from the side line, waiting for one or both of us to jump. My sister is a piece of work in her own right, everything has to revolve around her, if it doesnt she will find a way for it to do so. Both my sister and my Mum, continually try to control me, what I do, say etc especially with my medical stuff.
The home stuff is just a kicker to the bullshit that is my life.
