Look independent & don’t need anyone

I don't have any answer for your question, @Glisten , but I just wanted to say that I, too, share your frustration with the terms "independance/independant". We've (i.e. society) been getting this stuff pushed on us for years, haven't we? The term "independance" being used to glamorize loneliness and make everyone fixated on pursuing it.

SANE did a survey recently, and one of the questions was something like "Are you happy with your level of independance?", and on reflection, I realized how terribly ambiguous that question was. I answered something like "Very Dissatisfied" for that one, because I am way too independant/lonely. I want to be much less independant. But reflecting on it now, I worry that the survey readers will probably interpret that answer as me indicating that I want much more independace!

It's a terrible hole to have to try to dig yourself out of. And the worst part is that all the people around you seem to be on a mission to keep you trapped down there, because they've been taught to believe that independance is a good thing, and they don't much care for people who don't adhere to that ideology. At least, that's been my experiance.

@chibam You get it! THANK YOU! I’m relieved and sad all at the same time.

I've been there @Glisten ...

Paradoxically, since going through crises and developing mental illness, losing just about everything but the clothes on my back and children, I have noticed (when I bother to put myself 'out there'), that a simple smile...a little eye contact...relaxed face seems to have drawn noticeable attention. A warm hello... A compliment... Using someone's name...Expressing gratitude...Asking about someone's day...

The caveat is I am usually so very shy and awkward. But when I try, I notice something interesting: I tend to relax into my shoes and feel really connected to the ground. As though I have roots extending down... And from that posture, the rest seems to come...

Maybe you might find progressive muscular relaxation a handy exercise in raising an awareness of what your body is really doing at any point in time, and how it may be presenting outwardly...?

Hope this helps a little 🙏

It can be lonesome out there even at the best of times... All the best. Have fun!

@Kyle1 👋🏼 me too. 2 suitcases and painfully shy. My ex-narcissist, people gravitated toward him, because he said hello to everyone.
I’m more like a rabbit in the headlights of a car.

@Kyle1 “progressive muscular relaxation” - I’ll Google it.
Thank you for the advice.

hmm...my ex is npd too! @Glisten

My therapist must be right afterall: it's epidemic she said...

Yes, these recent times I have reverted back to a timid pup, aswell. One trauma too many...

I'm soon to move: and hoping the new environment may help in getting back on track. Not sure which track? But it'll be my track.

I wish you peaceful times ahead, too 🕊

@Kyle1 I didn’t see that coming!
Big hugs