Im not functioning as I once did

Hey there @Itsjustmehere

Thanks so much for sharing how you're feeling right now, that does sound really tough. You're not alone here, you have all of us on the forums for support so please lean on us whenever you need at all.

Do you currently have anyone besides your wife that you could talk to about what you're currently feeling? This doesn't have to be a professional, it could be anyone that might be willing to listen.

Sitting with you,

Amber22

Hi @Itsjustmehere thanks for sharing. I hope that you feel even the tiniest bit better being able to share what you going through. I’m very new to all this, and although I’m in a bad place, knowing that there are people out there who really understand me a little mage a huge difference. I have never ever engaged with anyone who came close to understanding how my mind works ( and that definitely includes me). I totally understand how you’re feeling regarding your diminishing functionality. I used to work a min 60 hour week in sales and marketing doing amazing things. I had to “retire” from that life following a major BPD crisis and now I don’t even have the capacity to even edit my resume and apply for work in the hospitality sector ( as I live in a tourist town). Now I’m doing everything thing I can to push away my husband so that he will leave and find himself a better life.

sorry for the rant - just trying to articulate that I understand your pain

Hi Amber,

Not really, over the last decade I have found that my friend group has diminished. There was a massive upset with our close friend group about 8 years ago and everybody has gone their separate ways, I have tried to reach out to some others but it has failed each time, just seems that Im judged and found to be 'just not the same' or somthing to that effect.

My Mum died 2 years ago in November and since then the family has been fragmented. My dad was abusive as hell to me growing up and even tho mum tried to get us to mend that, I blew up at him early this year and have not talked since, and honestly dont want to as I find him to be a horrible man today. (there are things I just will not explain, I hope u understand). My sister sometimes talks to be but I think the well has been poisoned there as she is basically on dads side no matter what. (he has plenty of support). futher family is another story, some cousins still talk but most anties and uncles dont speak with the family. Ad to top that off I found out my grandfather is not my DNA, my grandmother had an affair and thats where mum was born, only know a fraction about this.... nothing ever mentioned, DNA tests by my sister have confirmed this.

When it comes to seeking out new groups and friends, I just find I feel alienated each and every time, I try to just not worry about other ppls opinions but I just cant stand a lot of ppl....and thats the problem with me, I overthink, I overreact, I take things way to personally!

Even the people I never met that I used to play online games with seem to have blocked me, I think my ex poisened the well there. SHe caused me a ton of grief when we broke up and was part of the fractoring of the friendship group, and since then she got someone to hack me, find out info i didnt want ppl to know and sought to tell everyone she could find in my wifes life about this......k this stuff was not my wisest or best choices but its my mistake. SO i had my inlaws and my wifes best friend find out this info, very embarasing and humiliating! My wife and her family stood by me but my wifes best friend hates me and wiped her friendship with my wife.

So yeah, thats that..... Ive dug my own hole, now Im in it.....

Hi Fawkes,

No need to appologize, I see that as not a rant but just explaining, and thats cool.

its good u understand how it feels to once work hard, but now struggle. And ive only just started to get myself back into resume writing and job applications, but i dont know how I will manage trying to work but I will give it a go.

I think I might be doing something like you with pushing my wife away, I honestly believe I am a drain on here both emotionally(her mum has a cancer battle atm and i feel like Im not supporting her even tho she supported me thru my mums cancer battle which she lost), as well as financially. I told her I feel like im a drain on her financally but she insists she dosnt feel this way about me. But I just keep on thinking Im a asshat and she should be with someone who is not a asshat... I just feel like I should be alone, and I have felt that way since I was 8 years old and heard about hermits who live in the bush alone, I thought as an 8 year old 'yeah thats me'

I feel like im ranting at the moment, I guess we all do when it spills out like this.

Thanks for the message tho, also just unsure what BPD is? Bi polar disorder? sorry if that offends I seem to do that regularly

Hello @Itsjustmehere I'm the same now, no energy for anything. Used to be really active prior. I completed a commerce degree at uni and it went belly up. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and the diagnosis has ruined my capacity for doing anything constructive so youre not alone with these issues concerning lack of vitality.

I see other people who are in our mad community who can achieve heaps with their art but in full disclosure they say they could not do it if they were on psych meds. Thats their choice but I have tried coming off my meds only to get a resumption of symptoms so I would consider it risky offering that kind of advice to anybody.

Most of the time these people who follow this course of action are frequently suicidal and self harming. So I don't think its alltogether wise coming off meds, plus tapering without supervision can cause lasting health issues. Not even the pdocs are confident with tapering. Sometimes it takes many many years to successfully do a taper.

I understand how you feel anxious about things you cannot control and how hard you have tried in the face of everything. I think having a place like SANE to let off some steam will make you feel less alone and able to cope. Please make full use of the forums.

I welcome you here and hope you can find the extra supports you need