Topic Tuesday// Suicide: You Can Talk About It// Tuesday 31st October 2023 5:30-7PM AEDT

For many people there is a sense of isolation and hopelessness if they don’t think they have the support to get through it. Talking to people can reduce stigma and encourage them to seek help, factors proven to lower risks of suicidal behaviours. You cannot make a person suicidal by showing you care. In fact, giving a suicidal person the opportunity to express their feelings can provide relief from loneliness and pent-up negative feelings.

Ask the person directly if they are thinking about suicide. This demonstrates your willingness to have the conversation. Often people will not express their suicidality unless asked directly. Ways to ask can be simple: “Are you having thoughts about suicide?”

As I mentioned in my answer for the first question, the SANE Forums ‘How to guide’ can be really helpful in knowing how to mindfully express thoughts of suicide, and making sure that it’s not a taboo subject and it can be talked about openly. Like I said before, it is absolutely okay to speak about suicidality on the SANE Forums (or anywhere) as long as our moderators know if this needs to be escalated or if you are ‘safe for now.’ And just on that note; when I mention ‘escalation’, this might just mean taking our conversation to email and further checking in privately, before anything else.

Not being shut down @TideisTurning. I still don’t feel comfortable letting anyone know. Other than my team. I did say to one guy once what I was thinking and he told me that ‘that’s just stupid’

I hear you @Captain24. When we need a support the most is when it seems least accessible. I wonder if it might be about identifying if you can what feels most possible, no matter how small.

While we are talking about language, does anyone know how to politely get the message across: "I'd rather be dead then have a life like yours?" or "...a lifestyle that you seem to idealize?" As a suicidal person, I find this idea to be absolutely crucial to effectively communicating with others about my dillemma, asiprations, and why certain avenues are no-gos for me. But obviously, saying such things directly runs a very high risk of insulting and offending people, which is not my intention.

It'd be great if there was a way to communicate this information clearly and frankly, without upsetting the people you need to communicate it to.

From my experience, a common thing that can happen when someone even mentions the word suicide is that the other person may react in a kind of knee-jerk way rather than taking time to consider what has been said and thoughtfully respond. For example, a statement “I want to die” being met with “no, you don’t.” For me, that thought and consideration is really important if I’m going to talk about it. Suicide is a big and scary thing, not just for surrounding others, but especially for the individual experiencing it themselves. If you are planning on starting a conversation with someone about their thoughts of suicide, I would encourage you to first check in with yourself and explore your readiness to respond and ability to cope should the other person's response be along the lines of “ yes, I do feel suicidal”- is that something you feel able to respond to right now? It’s ok if your answer is no.

When I experienced the worst of my own suicidality, for example, it was because there didn’t seem to be any other escape or way out of the worse than bad situation I was trapped in and having to try to deal with. Simply having those emotions and experiences validated was indescribably powerful, but it required the other person being in the right space and frame of mind to be able to provide that considered response.

What might help you the most when talking about suicide?

Listening, not making me feel worse about myself, not sending someone out to my house just because I am having thoughts, not jumping to conclusions, not ignoring what I say. If you can't cope with me telling you about my suicidal thoughts then don't ask. Sometimes actions speak louder then words. Just sitting there with me.

I don’t feel comfortable talking about anything like this on the forums anymore.
@amber22

That's such a great question. Like any topic that hits close to home for you or may feel vulnerable, it is really important to have the frank discussion and let them know that that's how you're feeling but to ensure that you feel safe with the people that you are telling. And to make sure that the people that you do tell don't make you feel invalidated or try to tell you that what you are feeling is wrong. Whatever you are feeling, you are feeling, and it is completely okay.

It can be really good to let others know exactly how you're feeling (even if the words do come across confronting in the moment) it's always best to try explain exactly how you're feeling (emotion-wise). @chibam