Why I failed as a patient

Hi @Fawkes are you OK? I understand and empathise with being unable to articulate trauma, it's hard to formulate in words.

Keep posting my friend, people can't always respond immediately but there are good people here who support you... and care

Hi @Fawkes After reading your post I believe your title should be "Why they failed as practitioners". To try to push you past your limits in recounting trauma shows a lack of understanding and empathy on their part. We cannot be forced to relive those most hardest things in our lives until we are ready. The consequence is often re-traumatising and not a step forward in recovery. I, myself, was at that stage several years ago but thankfully I had a great team around me that saw what was happening and put an immediate stop to that therapy. It did take me (and my team) some time afterwards to come out of the effects of those sessions and find a better way forward. For me, that was to NOT continue to recount the past but to work on ways to deal with those memories and feelings when they come up. I do still have times it is all consuming and overwhelming but the day I (we) decided that reliving the past was going to be more disabling was a break through day. Don't get me wrong - trauma is a massive part of my past and who I am but it is not ALL I am ...that part is the most important. We cannot change the past (unfortunately) but we can decide to use those unique things about ourselves that have come from that trauma (such as empathy and awareness) to build on a life that is more positive.