ClockFaceSenior Contributor
Really Struggling
Im finding it really hard lately, those who keep up with my crap know whats going on, its alot and every now and then it overwhelms me. I have boils coming up all over the place but a massive lot of them are on my pubis rise and its really sore and uncomfortable. Its kinda pushed me over the edge, like its just broken me. Where I had surgery is infected as well, it had been doing so well, I was suprised that it hadnt gotten infected sooner, it had nearly healed and I got my hopes up that I was going to go through this one without an infection.
I have had a couple new medications added recently, it brings the total number of medications Im on 23 plus 3 PRN's which is just nuts, even more so given that we recently went through and culled a bunch of medications.
I just exist, there is no life anymore. I drag my ass from one day to the next, from somewhere I seem to conjure up some kinda hope that things will get better. I have no idea where from. Other than writing my posts, I have nothing I enjoy, nothing to look forward to. The only time I go out is to go shopping or medical appointments, thats it. My family is just toxic, I love them but there is no love in the family, I cant think of the last time I felt loved from any of them. Best I feel is tolerated and most the time thats a stretch. I miss working but only because it gave me something to do, gave me a reason to get up, it was the best way for me to make money. Without it my existance is limited to medical appointments, dealing with my medical and mental issues, trying to manage their symptoms, its all management no resolutions. I hardly sleep, so I get to experience the craptastic existance Im forcefed. Im sure that my limited sleep plays a significant role in my perception of my existance. I get that my GP is concerned about putting me on anything for it given my medications Im already on but at what point does it go from being a concern about putting me on to a concern about keeping me off. Please note, this shouldnt be interpreted as me saying anything about suicide. I have no intention to do so, oddly its not something that is on my mind at the moment. Im stuck with the thought of being like this for the rest of my long life.