Confused and a bit tired

Hi @MelissaKim

Welcome to the forums, I'm so glad you found us. Sounds like it's pretty rough on you and your family right now. Yep there are lots of others around in similar situations. Which is not good but it's comforting to find out you're not alone.

Looking forward to seeing you around

Hanami

What a journey you’re on … *big hugs* to help with the loneliness … it is tough to be the only one reaching out and responding to a family member who is struggling!

Really encourage you to find ways to take care of yourself in the midst of your brother’s pain … it helps me deal with my son’s selfishness when he’s unwell 💜

Thanks @Valiant83 I really appreciate your words. They've made me feel lighter. And it's helpful to consider it as a 'journey' too - thank you for that. It's like, I imagine and hope for a resolution of sorts, but what does that even mean? Better to think of it as a journey.

Hey @MelissaKim ,

Sorry to hear how stressful this situation must be for you. It sounds like he is doing what he can to get by.

At the moment, I am helping someone in a similar situation. He wants to be clean, and when he came off drugs, he began having delusional paranoia and was very jittery and agitated. Since then, he started medication to help take the angst away. He is in a much better place - and this has only been in the last few weeks.

I've allowed him to rent one of my properties and given strict orders as part of the rental agreement. Not to take away his freedom, but to help him recover e.g. users cannot come to the house (including his own mother). I've kept the rent really low just so he can learn to stand on his own two feet.

Someone has helped him get a pick and pack factory job and he will start in the days/weeks to come.

Whatever you are putting in place sounds like you are doing the right thing. Setting those boundaries so that he must pay you back is a start. If anything, getting the groceries is even better.

Unfortunately, there is so much temptation for users out there.

Why I had such a heart for this young chap when I heard his story is because my brother in law was also a user. He is the most lovely person, yet because of this circumstances, he turned to drugs. It is now life-long that he takes anti-psychotics. However, it this is going to keep him well, functioning, keep a job and father his three children, then it's worth it.

It IS possible @MelissaKim . Just keep going.

Hi @MelissaKim

Welcome to the forums, so glad you found us here. Thank you for your courage to tell your story. It isn't easy and so challenging at times. Have read our resources for family, friends and carers...Families, friends & carers (sane.org)

Sounds like there is hope, when you invest in Him, He is responsive and engaging. That's a great start. You are important too, look after you first.

Hi @MelissaKim,

Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to our community. We are all here to help, so good on you for reaching out. I'm very sorry to hear about your brother's predicament. It's very sad for him to be in a situation where bridges have been burnt with family members. He must be very grateful to have a sister who cares for him deeply. I completely understand how his mental health is linked with substance abuse. Unfortunately, my husband had very similar paranoid delusions before his 2 severe psychotic episodes. He did very similar things during this time like throwing his phone in the river, as he was convinced his phone was monitored by the police. These delusions seem to get set off when he suddenly stops smoking cannabis (after heavy use). I suspect it might be a possibility that your brother has also used cannabis in the past. Unfortunately for men, the statistics show that heavy cannabis use in teenage years up to the age of 24 multiplies your chances of developing psychosis in later years by a lot.

So, my advice to you would be to make your brother aware of these links between drug use and his health and to see if he might be willing to speak with a drug counselling service or community mental health centre, they might be able to put him in touch with a peer support worker. This could help him start a conversation and make him start making positive goals for himself. But, the more positive connections the better, so what you're doing with him by engaging dialogue is critical. Try and not be so anxious and give yourself a break. He's the only one who can drive the change when he's ready.

Keep being an awesome sister and let us know how your brother is going. Keep staying in touch and look after yourself 🙂

Thanks cherryblossom8, I really appreciate the thought and energy you've put into replying.

I don't think he's doing very well at the moment, and I think it might be beyond me for now.

I'm resolved to simply trust in society, and that whoever he comes across (outreach workers, police, housing shelters, etc) treat him with respect, fairness and kindness.

Thanks for your care and concern.