Valuing Yourself

What difference does valuing ourselves make to the way we live our lives?

(I'm better at questions than answers )

Dear everyone who has replied to my post, especially briar who questioned the importance of valuing yourself.

We all want to be valued and respected by our families, friends and health professionals. When we don't get this respect and validation then we feel as if we don't want to be around those people any more.

But how can we expect people to value us if we don't value ourselves? Sure, we all have illnesses and problems (otherwise we wouldn't be on this site in the first place), but one of the basic things we can do for ourselves is to acknowledge and value the good things in ourselves. Are we loyal friends? Do we help others in trouble? Are we kind and considerate? Are we generous and giving? Do we appreciate the simple things in life (a sunset, a good cup of coffee, a good night's sleep)? These are some of the things I value about myself. Sometimes my illness overwhelms me and my whole life changes (I have bi-polar disorder) but these basic things about myself stay the same, even when I am ill, It isn't always possible to remain positive, I know that all too well, but you are more than your illness - recognize that there is a You there who is worthy and valuable.

It is important to value yourself because if you don't you have nothing to offer other people, and you will be very isolated and lonely. If you can say "I feel terrible because of my illness/circumstances but I still value myself as a human being" then you leave yourself open to human contact and support from others who care. We are all valuable human beings in our own way - please don't forget that, and keep reminding yourself that despite everything else underneath there is someone who is special.

Ellu

Dear Briar,

Please have a look at my recent post on Valuing Yourself. I have a family of 6 (4 children) and an extended family of 18. I have bi-polar disorder, which means sometimes I am completely detached from the world when I am depressed and nothing seems to matter. The only way I can survive is by reminding myself that whatever else I am Iam a valuable human being. This is hard to believe when you are sick (that is why I suggested writing down all your good self-perceptions) and it is difficult to believe when you are depressed, but if you value yourself then you can make a connection with other people who will value you.

It may be on this forum, it might be in real life, but if you value yourself and have something to offer then you can attract like-minded people who will connect with you and extend the hand of friendship and support. Why do you think I am writing this? It is because I am concerned that you don't have a sense of self-worth and might be feeling isolated and lonely. Every person is valuable. Sure, we are all different, but we all deserve to be respected and supported. That is why I think it is important to value yourself, because if you don't then no-one else will.

Ellu

Agree with you wholeheatedly,

I have Depression/Chronic pain/anxiety. Many times in my life I have questioned what's the point of me being here, whats my purpose (i'm in my 50's)?? I'm married wth kids (now adults) but managed to live (exist??) with a "black cloud" over me for many, many years. Recently I've found a purpose for my life and that is to STOP self loathing and love myself so that I can be a better person especially for my wife and kids. Even as I write now I'm in pain and I don't care about myself - BUT thankyou for the idea of writing down about the good things about me - I think that maybe the single most hardest thing I'll do this year - but I'll try - thankyou.

Regards Getting2

@Ellu, thanks for your reply. I apologise if this post is too weird but you made me think, which is a good thing I guess I was being flippant in a way - asking a question to avoid answering - but I think your question is really important. I can understand what you say about self-worth evaporating when you're depressed because I've been in that place too, for far too long in past years.

It's complicated but I think I escaped that place largely by becoming 'productive' - now I can hinge my self-worth on what I do, which is easy and convenient because it's culturally-acceptable - our whole economic/social/political system values people according to their economic capacity. (I strongly object to that idea in relation to others but that's another post - it's the way things are).

The reason it's complicated is because productivity - performing - doing what's expected - is a large part of the reason I have this MI - that I am who I am, perhaps.

But still is my productivity the sum total of who I am now? We don't think so. And if I was to suddenly become unable to work tomorrow, then my whole everything would shatter. I suspect that there's a whole population of people out there in the same boat but maybe MH issues make me more aware of my vulnerability to my economic capacity evaporating than most people are.

I can see value in finding value for yourself, as who you are, rather than what you do. Maybe I need to think more about what I could base that on. Thank you