Hi @Queenie
For a long time (10 years) I was negatively triggered by Christmas decorations and the lead up and whole Chwissie shebang!
I found the best way to deal with it is to make some personal authentic decisions about how to proceed.
Annoying aspects like excess consumersim or false jollity or hipocritical piety can really get my goat.
However I think you have stumbled on a very relevant solution. I think it is a great idea to visit your gravesites if that is what you want to do and it will allow you some genuine grieving but then will help you feel better.
A key aspect of traditional christianity is it "memorial" function. Make the bit that is SACRED for you a form of ritual that nourishes you.
Helping me with my bereavements has been one of the best things I gained from christianity.
Problem is everyone gets to decide for themself how they interpret things ...
See if you can stick with YOUR WAY and insist on gf respecting your judgement about what will make you feel better in the long run, rather following blindly along with others interpretations. A relationship should allow for a bit of give and take.
If you arent allowed to honour your holy ghosts then the festive season ... often feels empty.
Also stand firm to be able to be happy about what truly makes you happy .. join in to pay respect to the hospitality in your new home .. but enough is enough .. I hope it works.
I recently had to tell someone to stop expecting me to get all excited in the way she felt was right in our christian church choir ... I had a fair idea of her level of spirituality and commitment and had welcomed her into the choir .. I am no longer always the new girl on the block ... drawing lines in the sand ... people tend to put their stuff on us to make themselves feel good .. some of them dont realise how insulting and non-validating it can be.
