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I'm done

KtakiNew Contributor28 Aug 2023, 5:42 pm AEST

I'm done

I'm over everything. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I can't believe I let him treat me so horrible.

Content/trigger warning

He left me for dead physically assaulted in a wheel barrow naked Infront of a school. That was in 2018 he went to remand for 2 years and I never spoke up to defend properly. Wed been together since 2012 and he has been abusing me since day one. Sexually physically mentally. When he got out of prison we got back together and he filled my head with fantasy once again. Not long and the sexual abuse was unbearable but he made me feel like I deserved it for being such a disgusting dog. He came home one day where I was never aloud to leave unless he was with me but he was aloud and told me to perform sexual acts but I was so excited. When I didn't he physically assaulted my face until I could not see. I never left until it had healed. He used to make me do oral sex for 8-17 hours sometime and abuse my mouth and stop me from breathing. When I would cry he was happy but never stopped.

This is not the half of it and no one knows. Its been six months since I left completely but now I feel so shit nothing can fix me. I truely believe life is over. I can't hold even volunteer work because I feel useless. Nothing is happy. It's very dark.

3 replies

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In response to: I'm done

fluffylightSenior Contributor28 Aug 2023, 6:08 pm AEST

Re: I'm done

Hi there @Ktaki
I'm fluffylight 😊 one of the peer support worker-moderators here. I have gone ahead and applied a trigger warning on your post. I hope that is okay.

Thank you for trusting us with your post 💛
I'm sorry to hear about all the pain you have carried for all these years. What you have gone through is not okay. Abuse is never okay.

I acknowledge how dark it is for you, I want to remind you how much light is ahead for you. You are not alone 💛

Have you ever contacted 1800RESPECT? Do you have any supports in place?

fluffylight x

In response to: I'm done

JynxModerator28 Aug 2023, 6:18 pm AEST

Re: I'm done

Hey @Ktaki I'm so sorry to hear of what you're enduring at the moment. Please know that you're not alone, and that there are supports available. It is pretty normal for it to take time to recover from a situation like yours, I think it's important that you do find some connection and some professional support to make that journey easier though. I will flick you an email soon to check in with you, so keep an eye out.

We'll walk with you through this as long as you need us 💜

In response to: I'm done

bananapanda44Casual Contributor30 Aug 2023, 4:17 pm AEST

Re: I'm done

Im sorry you're in such a dark place. What happened to you was horrific and not your fault but I understand that when someone betrays you in this way it is common to feel shame and blame yourself. You did not deserve it. I cant imagine how difficult it must be to heal from this pain but I believe that you can get through this. If you are struggling to find support in your area I echo the comment to connect with 1800RESPECT. There is also https://www.nasasv.org.au/support-directory.

It would have been so difficult to leave. I commend you for being so brave and it's understandable that it takes time to recover. Keep posting and reaching out for help. We are here for you.

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