Becoming a reality...

I have shut myself away for 4 years struggling with myself with unemployment,angry with life's unfairness,anxiety and depression.Got me nowhere except in a big hole.Then I had the doctor read back to me the mental health nurse's notes how "I lacked intimate relationships"...great help really need the humiliation. Mimm,as I have said on this site friends come and go.I have no friends now either and haven't the energy for them.I always attracted "friends",who seemed to take me for granted,or were work friends and when I left work left them,nothing in common,and my shame of unemployment,mental illness I now avoid them.It sounds like you are just letting off steam as you said.I have had four years of bad luck no break,got no answers.Look after yourself self care wise,do something you enjoy,and just breathe.Arrange to talk to someone if you feel you need to as I had the same feelings for a long time and it snowballed.

Yes,everytime I watch Tom Thanks in castaway when at the end he is standing in the middle of the crossroads wondering where that direction will take him I have done that too on my walks when your life is not good or I am full of my anxiety.We all do this,sounds like you need time out.As I have said on this website we all seem to have a common trait that we feel we have to please others or are sensitive people.

Sounds akin to my depressing realities there are many some I write of some I can't, I look on people I once called friends they see me as a convenience I am there as needed and easily cast into the gutter without another thought, and it has been so very long not months not even years since i have had anyone I could rely on or trust anyway to the extent I am thinking of making a t-shirt that shows that not my only t-shirt idea but the others are rather similar

Hi Mimm

Blame is not helpful. Maybe we need to be alone for a while, at different stages of our lives, to regroup, rethink our priorities, maybe they werent good enough to be your friends, maybe we dont really get to have as many friends in a lifetime as it looks like others have. Sometimes a bit of distance is a good thing for sensitive people, who need to figure out who is good and who is a problem in their lives.(I was much more crippling shy when I was a child and teen.) I was very isolated 10 years ago, but managed to hook into a church choir with links going back a while.

I had a very good day today, social, musical, lunch reunion, with some people I have known up to 20 years. I dont share a lot with some members, but still feel a fondness for them as I have known them for so long. I feel closer to 2 recent members of the group. I am trying to say that there is time to find a few people who are good for you. If I can. You can. Dont judge your self by popularity or intimate partners .. thats a question .. that can you get in trouble if you have too many!

I am a bit like the fella in the Rosie Project .. I consciously try out social skills. Eventually I got over the shyness .. and blurted and blushed and hid and said "here I am".

Take care of you

Dont take on board negative interpretations of your state in life .. you may be where you need to be .. milestones dont matter ..

Yes @Former-Member is right Forgiving Yourself ... its a big step ... especially with SH ..

I don't judge myself on relationships,intimate or friendship....I was hurt my mental health nurse wrote it up and I heard it from a doctor in March,and another doctor who read his notes last year...a judgement they can keep to themselves and not put it on me.Making me feel like a freak isn't help.Yes it was a negative interpretation of my life which to me was too personal and not OK to repeat to the client ,me.Some of us are not "social animals".I have always been a loner,and even though I enjoy talking to people also like my time.Had someone ask me if they could go walking with me once for instance,but I realise this is my own time as walking to me is like my meditation.
For the record ,I am one who realised I am better on my own for the time I need.Friends can be like xmas,can be overrated in many ways,eg: people who rave on how many friends they have on Facebook.This isn't my def of a "friend".My def is someone who is genuine,takes you for who you are,and you can trust vice versa.I have not found this.I am not in the headspace for relationships of any kind as their impact can be devastating on my mental health.This may seem negative...but true as I have experienced it.Truthfully,I feel too inadequate to be vulnerable to any relationship,so Mimm,if you aren't in a good place at the moment give time to you as a relationship of any kind needs to be a Healthy one.

Hi @Mimm,

someone else here said that friends come and friends go... in my experience that is so true. In an ideal world, it would be great to have a lot of friends, but it often just doesn't work out that way, unfortunately.

Concentrate on being your own best friend for now. Be kind to yourself. If you need to cry, that is good, as crying is a great release and a good sign that you are in touch with your emotions.

When you feel like it, begin to tentatively get in touch with old friends - just an email or a text message to begin with. See how you go.

I know of two women who each have heaps and heaps of 'friends'. One of these women had to go to hospital for surgery and suddenly discovered that none of her hoards of friends came to visit her or even sent a card! What a shock! She called me to tell me all about it. In her hour of need, she had no-one.

The other one of these women suffered post-natal depression and discovered all her so-called 'friends' were too busy to even notice her suffering. They had no idea. She had no support from anyone. I stepped in for a while, but it was very hard work.

Just two examples of people who thought they had a lot of friends.

As for myself, I don't have many friends at all. If something goes wrong or I get very low emotionally, I generally rely on professional help. I think my friends would generally be there for me, but I would have to tell them exactly what I was going through and let them know exactly what I needed from them. Otherwise, I doubt they would be able to help.

I find it interesting that a so called medical proffesional should say that a lack of intimate relationships is an overall factor in your mental health, obviously a very Freudian view and I guess that's where the world is headed that as a species sex is the central focus of life, yet there are still some of us that are not so shallow, for me I will have no intimate relationship with anyone that I do not see a long term future with someone I would raise children with, for me the emotional connection is the most important, probably why I have had pretty much no intimate relationships. I understand about the walking thing I go walkabout a couple times a day it's a time to clear my head, I am actually about to go for a wander,as for the friends/Xmas well friends will generally let you down Xmas can do the same, for me Christmas is a time to see if you impact on anyone at all friends, family whatever because it shows if you even rated a thought in their mind. Of course I am a 36 year old male disabled loser so anything I say is of limited interest. Take care and don't listen to Freudian doctors and nurses pushing their own shallowness and insecurity on you.

@Mimm

I too understand not having anyone to really rely on, I have a partner but due to his issues I can't rely on him.

Friends I havent had any friends for over 20 years that I can call friends, to me a friend is not a person you "friend" on social media - I'm not on social media but that seems to be a big thing these days.

Real friends are there when you need them, real friends try to understand and listen, real friends are not judgemental - this doesnt exist in my life and hasnt ever I really think. The one true friend I thought I had betrayed me a long time ago. I know this is not "healthy" but I choose to not go out and look for "friends" as I'm always hurt.

@Redraw

Dont say that you are not disabled loser and what you say if of limited interest!

But I do get what "normal" people would react like. I think the big problem with society is social media and games. No one knows how to intereact with people properly face to face these days they all hide under their computers. I mean this is different because its not a social chit chat its a support forum.

Xmas I give that a miss entirely and literally bunker down and hide till its all over - I dont do anything no family, no friends just me and my partner and my dog but thats the way I like!

Thinkin gof you all! 🙂