lotus85Senior Contributor
Am I just self sabotaging
- So, I told my husband the other day I'm done. I don't know if I'm ending it because I hate the relationship or myself. I'm distant from him, have little emotional connection. He wants sex and I don't. He says he wants me to make an effort and want to be around him, I mean I can physically sit with him but I don't really wanna be there, I would rather curl up in bed and watch tv. That's what I do, most of the time. I come out to clean, feed him and the kids, go shopping, and go to work. That's it really. We have always had a messed up relationship. He is jealous of nothing, thinks its unreasonable that I would be comfortable walking around in tights at the shop or a bra in my kitchen, but not be comfortable having sex with the lights on. If I go out with friends, which is rare, I feel bad for it. Whether he makes a snide remark that I like them more then him or I should want to stay him and hang with him or whateva. I would be happy to continue in the relationship if I was left alone, which I know isn't fair on him. We fight, he wants an effort and if I make one, he always thinks any kind of touch or anything should lead to sex... so I stop trying to be near him coz I feel it shouldn't always be an expectation if we r near each other. He never sleeps in our bed. We have together 18yrs, have 3 kids and a house. Should I just keep doing what we r doing? Is this what it's spose to be? Should it end and we move on, and be broke because God knows neither of us can afford to be alone. I don't know what I'm doing. Am I just self sabotaging. I am on meds for depression, have been for 16yrs. I feel like we r both shells of ppl.
