Psychologist vs psychiatrist

I’m not into what I think of as art @Snowie

my hobbies are knitting, currently trying to knit jumpers for young rescued lambs.

also enjoy diamond art and count cross stitch. Cross stitch depends on how my eyes are. I have cataract forming on back of one eye which at times has vision in that eye completely blurry. That’s when I put dvd on to watch, some times falling asleep mid way through lol

i hadnt though of writing down my nightmares. They are usually that vivid that I can still remember them the following day. I have started a journal writing down memories and emotions I remember for each event (or bare basic facts for events where I feel totally numb and disconnected from). Was going really well then got distracted with open houses and preparing to move. When I was 9 and 12 yo I had an uncle and aunt who meant the world to me die, still get upset at times when think about them. Tried writing letters to them but hurts too much. Want to try to write letters to people where there is feelings of anger, majority having been my abusers

They are really good hobbies to have @Former-Member Knitting jumpers for lambs must be very rewarding, knowing they are going to a good cause.

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt and uncle. That must have been really hard to deal with, especially with being so young.

Writing letters to an abuser would be really hard to do. I'm not sure if I could do that. Perhaps something you can talk to your psychologist about.

Hi @Snowie Friend gave me idea of writing the letters and then burning them.

she suggested write down my emotions even briefly and then burn them

both being ways of trying to get things out of my system.

my first abuser, my dad, died approx 30 years ago. Letter to him will be the hardest as partly feel sorry for him. Brain damage from stroke was not found or treated for 4 years. As an adult I know and understand the background behind the abuse but that doesn’t stop the flashbacks when they come

I have written down things and burned them before @Former-Member It was somewhat satisfying.

I'm sure that letter would be really hard to write. Especially to someone who is meant to be there to protect us.

I’ve been having appointments with my psychologist since about August this year about once every 2 or 3 weeks. appointment today was good timing. About 6 weeks ago I started back on emotional roller coaster which feels to be getting worse in most areas. Flashbacks during which my mind is changing the perpetrator started again and lasted for couple weeks, images I couldn’t get rid of night or day. Yell, scream, cry, sleeping during the day when I could, even physically pushing myself to do hard work …. Nothing helped. Was able to talk to my psychologist little bit today but not much as we ran out of time. Next appointment not til early feb during which she says we will start to work through my triggers etc. hope so, at the moment not feeling much benefit from talking with her.

last month had initial appointment with psychiatrist where appointment went for approx 1 1/2 hours during which he got some of my background and trauma events. Felt very confused and frustrated at times as timeline of things he asked jumped around all over the place. Kept going back to asking me questions about things from when I was approx 12yo to in my early 20’s even though I told him the first time a lot of those years I have either nightmare memories or no memories of. Felt like he didn’t believe what I was saying. Asked me questions which made me feel uncomfortable and felt strange ie why I don’t have any children and why I was in my late 40’s before first serious relationship eg de facto.

at start of appointment he asked what I hoped to get help with. Told him I still don’t get much sleep, have nightmares/flashbacks and mood swings from one end of spectrum to the other. Outcome of appointment left me feeling confused, only decision was he increased my antidepressants with review in late this month

am having days where get up, feed the cats, take my meds and go back to bed for hours as have no interest in anything. Other mornings the slightest thing and I feel so angry at everything. I put the cats in the bedroom, shut the door and either spend couple hours digging in clay soil, moving furniture or sitting on the couch in tears. Hate feeling so angry and scares me, reminds me too much of the verbal abuse I suffered as teenager

@Former-Member I think starting therapy can bring a lot of things to the surface. These things are what we need to work through to get some healing in those areas. It's a shame that now you have to break with seeing your psychologist till February.

You said at the moment you aren't feeling much benefit from talking to her. I know that often it feels like things get worse before they can get better. But it's necessary to get the lasting good effects from therapy.

People who give up at this stage often say "Therapy didn't work for me, I won't try it again." Therefore they lock themselves out of much good and healing, and can't move on with their life.

I remember when I started therapy I was sooooo angry. But my therapist allowed me to talk it all out, and validated my childhood (actually lifelong) trauma. I got a lot of healing and lost all that anger, but it took years of therapy.

How did the medication review with your psychiatrist go? Or hasn't it happened yet?

@NatureLover medication review with psychiatrist is later this week.

feeling bit uneasy about going to next appointment with him based on first appointment.

From things I mentioned, was first appointment and questions he asked typical for initial appointment.

flow of conversations with my psychologist since early September have been what things I’ve done since the previous appointment. We discussed plans I already had for preparing to moving to new home, plans I already had for after moving, chats about how I’m settling into my new home and getting involved with the social activities. Last appointment was on 22 Dec and things she asked about and focused on was what I had planned for Christmas Day up to including New Years Day. It’s 10+ years that on 23 Dec my mum took heart attack in my arms and next time I saw her that day she had not survived 2nd heart attack. Knowing this plus birthdate of both my parents and death date of my dad all fall between 23 dec and 13 feb I had hope to have talked through at least some of the associate feelings prior to know with my psychologist but hasn’t happened.

I have been having appointments with my psychologist since approx July, only time we have talked about the trauma events in my life, first 5 being when I was between 9 and 13 year old, was first 2 sessions when her and I went through timeline summary of the events during the last 50 years. All I know by now is I no longer eligible for Medicare rebate as I have exceeded the max number covered

To try to answer your question @Former-Member , I think your psychiatrist did a good job of being thorough when asking you questions and spending 1.5 hours with you at the initial appt. (For instance, my psychiatrist often spends 5 minutes with me, talks 95% of the time and charges me $195 for that!)

I am not sure why your psychiatrist jumped around your timeline, but he was obviously following a thread in his mind, maybe building up a picture of your history of trauma?

---

@Former-Member wrote:

Asked me questions which made me feel uncomfortable and felt strange ie why I don’t have any children and why I was in my late 40’s before first serious relationship eg de facto.

---

I'm no expert, but I think this OK...it shows he wants to try to understand you, I think. Sorry if it made you uncomfortable.

He obviously listened to your answers and decided you needed more support so raised your antidepressant dose. I wish my psychiatrist asked me half as many questions about myself.

Hope that is reassuring...I will answer the rest of your post in the next post...

---

@Former-Member wrote:

It’s 10+ years that on 23 Dec my mum took heart attack in my arms and next time I saw her that day she had not survived 2nd heart attack.

---

I'm very sorry to hear this, @Former-Member 😢

---

@Former-Member wrote:

Knowing this plus birthdate of both my parents and death date of my dad all fall between 23 dec and 13 feb I had hope to have talked through at least some of the associate feelings prior to know with my psychologist but hasn’t happened.

---

I'm sorry this hasn't happened yet... How would you feel about asking her for this? I know you aren't seeing her again until early Feb, but if you tell her this is what you need, then at least she knows. Grief issues are more important to my mind than discussing your social activities...but that's just my opinion. Maybe she was seeking to understand your social supports when she asked about your social activities.

I hope your review with the psychiatrist goes well later this week...

Thanks for the suggestion @NatureLover about talking with my psychologist about what I feel is priority for me. I have mentioned it to her once before and will be doing so again, if needed and had already started to think along these same lines. Due to events I went through between ages 9 and 16 yo which included 4 deaths, the first by suicide, and becoming child in DV household (none of which I’ve ever had help to heal from) I tend to withdraw within myself when feeling like I’m not listened to or overwhelmed. When feeling frustrated, verbally abused or emotionally hurting I get angry and verbally fight back. In my early teens I was constantly told not to cry, only way I found to do that was get angry and stay angry. As DV child being verbally abused I would try to defend myself by verbally fighting back. Traits that became auto as way of surviving but for which I’ve never had any help to deal with, break and heal from. As an adult this has left me being careful what I say. Even so, if after talking with my psychologist if things don’t change I will be requesting to be transferred to see another psychologist in same clinic.