@iwanttodie it was noam chomsky who said "no one should be forced to rent themselves out in order to survive". I discovered the work of David Graeber who understood the nature of work better than anyone.
https://www.atlasofplaces.com/essays/on-the-phenomenon-of-bullshit-jobs/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpoJIkqEXYo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kehnIQ41y2o
As a culture we are reduced to units of production which means we are divorced from what it means to be human - cultivating meaningful relationships and communities - organising resources fairly. Instead we are doing the opposite and our identity and value as humans are derived from being units of production or consumption and nothing else. A systemic exploitation that uses you up and discards you on a whim - kind of like an abusive relationship. In fact as a renegade economist and survivor of domestic violence I found the 5 steps of capitalism are the same 5 steps of an abusive relationship:
Capitalism / Vs Abusive Relationship:
1.Extraction - extract resources out of the ground / or extract your first victim out of a crowd
2. Exploitation - exploit the resources for money/political influence / abuser exploits victim for money, sex, emotional/psychological abuse, power etc
3. Exhaustion- exhaust the environment in process of exploiting it / exploit victim until they become exhausted in the relationship
4 Collapse - environment collapses / victim unable to withstand constant abuse-is no longer providing perpetrator of supply
5. Discard - environment is discarded and capital looks for other resources to exploit elsewhere / perpetrator discards their victim. Looks for next victim to start process over again
When I was younger and more naive I used to think like you. Then the GFC happened and people started questioning the system. Someone once said he does not work FOR his employer he works WITH his employer so he does not get defined by his workplace. Are you able to find a way to value yourself other than being a unit to be exploited for money?
I was in a dark place in my early 20s, I couldnt keep a job (too many narcissists/bullies who knew how vulnerable I was and targeted me), had ptsd, came out of an abusive family. My parents supported me while I took some time off. I was lucky and grateful they were there for me and I wasnt on my own. Just help your mum out if you can (eg housework etc) while she supports you. You will find your feet eventually.
Also, try and think differently about disability....We live in an ableist / eugenicist society, employers are very discriminatory towards people with disabilities. Your father would have found it very hard to find work. I used to work as an employment consultant. It is ruthless out there if you are disabled so much so you have to hide your disability to get a job. We need to cultivate a kinder society.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7n1l_YfdFgU
