taking anger out on people who love you

@Eggshellntiptoe

It was like reading about me seeing your post, I'm exactly the same and same age. I work as a HR Manager and have always worked and seem to be able to behave with some "normality" then at home I'm misinterpret things, I screech as you say (thats what my partner says) its like a defensive reaction I think and say things without thinking. My partner often says to me "why dont you treat me like a work colleague as you would never do this at work"! I think part of it is (speaking for me) I dont have the emotional upheaval at work, work is work and you do what you need to but at home its like things can change in a second and if you are not ready for it you may behave incorrectly due to "knee jerk" reactions. I'm sorry you are separating from your partner, I myself are having hassles with my partner wanting to leave me because he has had enough.

Good luck and hope things work out for the best.

🙂

@Change123 & @BlueBay, thank you.

I will definately look for the Marsha Lineman workbook. I head home in the morning to my ex and little girl for 7 days. My girl is 8 and quite fun to be with. although my little one has seen me go off at times I feel like she doesnt judge me and loves me as dad. It is difficult being in this situation. the reason I cant just move out or her move out is that we need to sort out the finances. It wierd but I so look forward to getting home but when I do I now feel as if a dark cloud settles over me.

I just look at my ex partner and feel shame towards myself. I have noticed she has started to tell people about my episodes. I actually am not too upset over this she needs someone to talk to. The thing that is throwing me into a helpless feeling is one of her little faults. My partner is never one to let the truth stand in the way of a good story. On many occasions we have had guests or company and in conversations she streches facts and the truth of matters. I actually cringe inside as I watch her tell lies to friends to impress them. I am finding now when she brings up my BPD episodes she is doing the same to me. She is saying stuff that is not exactly the truth. I guess I deserve everything I get. It is a trigger for my BPD and I am mindfull of this.

@Change123 are you trying to sort out your issues on a pesonal level? I am intersted to hear how you are trying to cope and what is working for you.

Hi @Eggshellntiptoe

Yes I'm trying but find I'm bashing my head against a brick wall. He has bipolar and unmedicated and everything is my fault no matter what so I find I'm in this predicament where sometimes I dont know what my reality is (ie. if its me thats the problem, or him - I think both).

Presently things are not civil at home so I'm just trying to keep out the way and not talk, not as passive aggressive thing just I dont want to give him an excuse to go off at me again. If I didnt have this place to vent I think I would be at total meltdown now. I just act palcid at home, and surprisingly the insults I get I just take and dont say anything. I dont know if thats healthy or not as I tend to internalise everything but in my case its a way of keeping the peace. I spend time with my dog that keeps me going and work. I have learnt to not retaliate when he is like this as it just escalates to a disproportionate level and becomes very unstable. I guess and this is not a good thing it comes out of fear that I can do that. I often think it may be best if we go our separate ways but there is finances to consider and other things so its not as easy as walking out. By the way I find I get the same thing with my partner, I know I dont do things as bad as he tells people but he does. In one way I think he is sick of getting the blame for things so now its like he is on a mission to show everyone that its all me and not him but part of it I truly believe is that they just dont understand BPD. They dont understand that most of our bad behaviour is so ingrained and knee jerk reactions, we dont set out to manipulate or hurt (its liek we sit there and contemplate our actions it just happens) and they dont understand that nor do doctors. To them we are kids having tantrums.

If I find something that works for me I will let you know but I think the best thing we can do is look after ourselves and then hopefully everything else falls into place. I just try and keep putting one foot in front of the other even when I get knocked down I seem to keep getting up - maybe I just dont get the message 🙂

Take care