BPD and strong emotions

Dear @outlander

I know you are working in the field now, but I wonder what your experience of the DBT "skills" are? I am not mad about them as I see a huge marketing enterprise and a slant to highly paid groups etc etc... but I do think there are ideas that have been around for a long time and are worth reflecting on and bring into life's journey. You know me about Social Injustice....

Also "empathy" can be overused as a buzzword and a heal all.

In some ways SOULWORK could be an approach ... but that can get conflated with all the issues around religion ... or "etheral body" ...

Interpersonal individuation can also be part of the answer and help separate out responsibilities and distinguish one SELF from another SELF.

Words do matter....

Love Apple

Hi @outlander

I don't have BPD - I do understand strong emotions though.

I know you can't just wish them away - time - years of it - even decades - can help - it's really tough - I know.

For me it's PTSD - past experiences - as we get older we accumulate experiences and these have an affect on our emotions. I know you had a tough childhood and still feel under-valued by your family and feel like a black sheep - I still believe you are not - it's hard to shift such feelings though - it has taken me a long time to get over my mother's emotional abuse and humiliating attitude - I was lucky to have other supportive family around - I don't think you had that.

Being empathetic is a good thing - except it is overwhelming you - which is too much - and I do understand the difference - what to do about it is something to learn I think - and to try and not get in over your head with people who would cause you to care too much for your own wellbeing.

I have known you for years now and know you are a caring person - from early childhood you have looked after other people as much as you could - that must have been hard for you - and being little and helpless and inexperienced must have caused you sorrow and heartache.

So - all you can do is to try and limit your contact with difficult situations - which won't be easy. Don't lose your caring attitude though -

From where I sit - I see a wonderful young person I would be proud to have as a daughter - I hope you can take heart and learn to surf with your emotions - it won't be easy - I already know this.

All the best

Owlunar

Hi @outlander,

I find that, at times, trying to manage these overwhelming emotions can feel impossible, and trying to work on them in the moment can just make things feel worse. Does this resonate with you? When I realised that this was often the case for me, I turned my focus away from trying to fix or fight the feelings and toward trying to make my way through them safely and in a way I wouldn’t regret. Sometimes the best we can do is to acknowledge what we’re feeling and try to distract and provide comfort to ourselves in order to minimise the damage that these big emotional experiences have on us, until things start to feel a bit more manageable. I know it still feels unfair to have to go through these intense unpleasant emotions in the first place and it sucks that we can’t always make ourselves feel 100% better, but I’d say your wellbeing is worth the effort to feel even a little bit better when you can. Is there anything that you find provides you comfort or stops you from feeling worse when you’re experiencing these strong emotions?

If you find yourself at a point where working on your emotional responses does feel doable, it can be useful to reflect on what might be driving these feelings. On reflection, I realised that, subconsciously, being upset gave me the opportunity to ’fight against’ the unfairness of a situation, have my emotional pain validated, ’communicate’ my feelings, prove to others that I cared, ‘ask’ for help, and have a chance of being cared about. That’s not to say that me being distressed was a conscious choice, but these beliefs did make it harder to pull myself out of the distress once it had begun, and, cruelly, it made it worse when these needs still didn’t end up being met in the moment. If being upset serves a purpose for you in this way, there’s nothing wrong with that, but being conscious of this and trying to find other courses of action that might serve that same purpose or meet that same need can help you to start feeling more in control for your own sake. Do you think there’s thoughts or beliefs that may prolong or intensify your experiences of emotional overwhelm?