Glimmers

Opening fresh coke bottle.

Sipping coke

Burping

The licking sound of white cat drinking water.

Her stretch after.

Awareness of my own space.

Calmness

Knowing I can lay down if I'm tired

Awareness of tension in neck & shoulders

Rest

Thanks Apple @Appleblossom so tired. xx

Just looking at this on sbs @StanD

Kinda funny to see religion as a comedy...for me cos I had it really heavy as a kid ... but this is not satire ... but gentler family comedy.

https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/watch/1597220419794

I had intense week & today most. I let my PSW know about my thoughts of not wanting to be alive anymore. He asked the usual, do I have a means. I replied that anyone could have a means, & that if I said I did, then I would be put into the next 'risk' category. It's more about my total exhaustion. He was great & meeting was productive. I'm so terribly tired.

I noticed I'm co dependent about wanting to help people. I feel obligated. I was trained this way. It's a type of abuse. Hard to break pattern. I feel intense neediness. I'm not allowed to say no & be calm. I want to break this horrible cycle.

I think, know - it's source of my anxiety.

This above all. To thine self be true.

When all I ever knew, was to not exist.

I Will get there. I don't know how far it is, & my soul is weary. One day.

Thanks x @Appleblossom

@moderator no need to check in with me. Going to bed now. Am safe. I HATE that expression.

Its after 12. I am rarely up this late these days. @StanD Just sending good night vibes.

I will not use that phrase or engage with that protocol. I do not find it at all helpful but that is me.

Hope you get a decent night's kip.

@StanD I love the simplicity of “glimmers” being the opposite of “triggers”.

Our brain is pre-wired to focus on danger because in evolutionary terms that is what keeps us safe - the people who focused on the tiger in the jungle lived longer than those who looked at the rest of the jungle.

In modern society it is too easy to pay a lot of attention to things we perceive as harmful and not enough to things that make us happy. The official psychological term is “expressing gratitude” but I think “glimmers” could stick!