Adult son with autism and narcissistic personality disorder

My 53 year-old son lives on his own in a town in another state. He has self-diagnosed autism his autism but is not aware of the narcissism. He is very intelligent and has endeavoured during his adult life to use the inner resources he was blessed with to the best of his ability. He has achieved considerable success with his 'outer-academic-world' presence but hits 'crisis' points periodically - these are highly intense and often long-lasting periods. I have supported him by allowing him live with me during each of those climactic experiences to the point of probably 'overdoing' the care: so that my life is as free from tension as possible, and so that he can get on with finishing whatever university degree/grant application he is working on and move on to a new job.

Since he has been based mainly in Australia since Covid, things between us can go quite smoothly for a short period which gives me a false sense of security/safely - I tend, then, to relax and trust that things will stay on a more even keel. I find it really difficult to maintain a 'high alert' personna when my natural way with people is to be an open, considerate loving person.

The autistic 'tendencies' he is aware of and tries to manage them - although they have become more egregious the older he gets - hardly noticeable as a child but now very apparent when over-sensitivity creates great stress.

Narcissism I am familiar with and have undertaken a great deal of work re knowing how to relate to a narcissistic personality. But it is exhausting!!!

His default position when life forces him to review or reflect on his own choices, behaviours and responsibilities is to go into denial for as long as possible (moaning and groaning about it to whoever will listen) then when the denied situation escalates to the point when it can't be ignored any longer, to lash out -- and there are multiple ways this can happen.

My personal life has many beautiful aspects to it, and for these I am truly grateful, but sometimes it just becomes too much to deal with on one's own. A moment of sharing in this way can make all the difference!!!

Thank you for being there to listen and care.

Lily9 🙂