ChristheartSenior Contributor
I'm hurting
After 6 months of remission, I'm back in hell. On the 8th of July I spoke to my doctor about reducing my medication, he agreed that I could try. We reduced it by such a tiny amount I didn't think my body would notice. I was so wrong. After 6 days of reducing the dose, the debilitating brain fog set in, I can hardly think, hardly speak, I forget what I'm doing, the anxiety becomes so bad my arms struggle to move and my legs are weak, the depression, fear and dread are so unrelenting that I feel like i can't bare another moment like this, and that's when the bombardment of suicidal thoughts race around my mind.
Everything was so good. For 6 months I was so happy, my boyfriend and I were looking at future homes, I started studying, I started a new job. I wish I never tried to reduce my meds. I've been back at my original dose for 3 weeks and still no improvement. I worry now that they will never start working again. Something feels broken in my brain.
I have so much regret. I wish I never tried to reduce the dose. I'm so stupid. Perhaps it could take weeks for my body to build up the therapeutic dose again. Maybe months. But I struggle to make it to the end of a day without crisis. Today was close. I called triage and they are referring me to a psychiatrist for a review. I'm so scared. I'm losing hope. God please help me.
I have been in this hole before, and relied on SANE community to avoid crisis. Avoid loneliness and despair. I hope I get better soon.