Lack of motivation and caring...

Hi @Kurra,

thanks so much for writing and telling us something important about your life so far.... your reply made me really think - about fear. I wonder if I am fearful, too? It would make sense, since I do suffer from anxiety.

So something happened 30 years ago that made you feel reluctant to put yourself out there due to fear? But you did have a big success, which is brilliant. It shows you are capable.

I have had some moderate successes in my life (nothing major) but due to lack of drive, I have never followed up on any of them or even talked about them much.... it's like I am conflicted about success and yes, I suppose I fear criticism.

While everyone I get close to seems vaguely and mildly supportive of me, it doesn't feel like enough. My parents gave me very mixed messages about my value as a person which I believe is my main problem. I wonder if I should go back and work on my feelings about this with a professional.

When I look at my main motivation in life, it seems always to be a desire just have things go smoothly and to not have to work too hard or be worried about anything. Like I just want to be comfortable, relaxed and not bothered by anything.

While I am quite capable of putting in a huge effort to get things done (for example I have worked in management in the past, and worked 12 hour days) I would rather not have to. Hard work is supposed to be its own reward but I just can't see it that way.

Hi @LooneyToones,

thanks for writing.... I am sorry to hear that you have had the same up-bringing as me. I really do believe that this is where my problem with motivation and caring stems from.

Would you like to tell us more about your situation? Do you do anything specific that helps to motivate you?

@Sahara & @LooneyToones

Well I would say most of us have had that sort of upbringing.

I find with me my lack of motivation just comes from society and people in general.

I used to support charities until some quite reputable ones were done for skimming money off the top, the one that really surprised me was Salvation army and Canteen and the fact that my mother used to do those car lottery tickets for charities in super markets. They will tell you that they are all volunteers etc etc and the money goes straight to the cause IT DOESNT!!!! My mum asked me to relieve her while she went to the toilet and she told me the crap I had to say if someone asked I refused and said I'm not lying for this fraudulent charity, I wont bring it up but if I get asked I wont lie. I have had many experiences similar to this in my adult life and now being 48 I just dont trust corporate companies and people.

So now I purposely dont get involved in supporting things like that as to me right now in my life my partner, me and my dog (our family) is the priority and I dont care anymore if people think I'm selfish as for my mentla health I need to be.

My motivations are at the moment:

1. Keep myself healthy
2. keep our relationship healthy
3. My beautiful dog
4. Roof over our head
5. Enjoy what I can of life - the simple things

I also have the issue which is not healthy for me that if I have an outside interest I spend more time on that (get too involved) instead of what I should be doing so no distractions works better for me. I have learnt my lesson there as I spent too much time at another job I was in and it became almost an obsession and my 30 year relationship almost broke down over it, well it did and he still suffers from it.

Hi @Sahara

While you may have come across a pro-active person who is out and about pushing her causes, there are probably 1000 who don't ever consider doing something bigger than themselves.

While you might not be off running events, talking to pollies or rattling a donation tin, you're in here day after day supporting and giving to others. I don't know many people who do that day in day out. So don't overlook the acts of compassion and giving back you do in this community.

@Change123 I too get nervous about giving money to charities, so often my 'donations' will be Christmas gifts (you know the tree outside of Kmart?) or tins of food etc. I like giving tangible things.

However, please be mindful of mentioning specific charities. I haven't read much about the Salvation Army, but I did read about CanTeen. Sadly, an accountant stole $300k off them over an extended period of time 1999 - 2003 (http://www.smh.com.au/news/Business/The-art-of-the-con/2004/11/05/1099547388047.html?oneclick=true) Thankfully he was caught. So I think in that case in particular, the charity and those young children with cancer were the victims.

As someone who works for a charity, I see daily how the money is spent. SANE's Help Centre answers calls, moderates these forums and takes online chats every day - which is thanks to people's donations. Luckily the Forums also get funding from the Department of Health.

If you are ever curious where money is being spent, how much and where it came from, you can check organisations' annual reports (most have them on their websites) as they have to disclose financials.

@Sahara - this is such an interesting topic. I'm glad you raised it. (and again, don't underestimate the good you do here!)

@NikNik

The salvation army one was quite a while back before Canteen but it was all over the news and papers so it is public knowledge not just an assumption.

I'm not having a go at Sane I'm just being honest and saying my lack of trust for charities has gone - of course there are ones that do good but I just dont trust them now after all my experiences and after all life experience is the only thing I have to go by - I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but thats what life has taught me.

If I could give direct to the people effected I would and have - example at a shopping centre I just bought a sausage roll and sat down next to a lady and she started crying and sobbing and when I asked if she was ok she said she was hungry and didnt have enough money. I told her straight out I dont give money but I handed her my untouched sausage roll and said you can have that, another time I was interstate for work and just bought some food to keep me going and I had the same experience, again I wont hand over money but I gave her and her toddler about $30 worth of groceries.

But besides all that, my family comes first and I believe strongly that charity starts at home.

Hi @Change123,

it sounds like you have your priorities right... and I think I know exactly what you are saying. I am reminded of my sister (I always compare my life to hers- a bad habit?) who is married with 2 kids and works full time in middle management. Her priority is her family and she has absolutely no time left over for anything else, except our aging and unwell Dad. If you suggested to her that she needed to have a passion for a cause, she would laugh in your face and say "why?" And she would be considered a good citizen!

Charities and corruption.... yes. Corruption is everywhere! I read about it in the papers every day. Unbelievable.

A lady I know was telling me about a elderly volunteer at an op-shop who had to take some time off for surgery.... when she was finally able to return to volunteering, she spied a walking stick that had just been donated to the op-shop and asked if she could borrow it to aid her recovery... and the manager of the op-shop told her she would have to pay the full price they had decided to put on it!! She was a dedicated volunteer and a so-called charity could not even spot her for a secondhand bloody walking stick!! What a bunch of mean-spirited, tight-wad idiots. This kind of thing puts me off charities. But not all of them are bad.