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-o-o-Casual Contributor
I seem smart but I am just street wise
I seem strong but I am just brittle
I am all front because you watch for weakness
I am tough because you want to hurt me
I make things right because I want you to love me
I make excuses I can't bear you to leave me
I make you my centre and I lose myself to you
I know in my heart I am better without you.
In response to: Contradictions
tymeModerator
Hey @-o-o-,
Thanks for posting. That was very meaningful and deep. I have a sense that things are a bit of a challenge for you.
Is there anything you want to talk about?
In response to: Contradictions
tymeModerator
By the way @-o-o- , I absolutely love your profile pic and your username. I think I know what it means, but I'm interested to read about it in What does your forums' name mean? Only if you feel like sharing of course.
In response to: Re: Contradictions
-o-o-Casual Contributor
@tyme Thank you for reaching out. I feel like a cliche...a walking list... a parentrified child, victim of physical and sexual abuse, partner of alcoholics, widow of a drug addict...single mother of 10 years.. proud mum of two beautiful teenage boys... proud bread winner of the family... university graduate... respected professional.... codependent care taker in relationships and work...
I think I am coming to terms with what I have become to survive. I am tired.... and I want to let some of this drop. I do not want to keep proving myself. I do not want another dysfunctional partnering. I am happy being alone... for the first time in my life. I guess... I am in Step1 .... Just recognising... sitting in it.... knowing it... being it... not hiding from it.
In response to: Re: Contradictions
tymeModerator
That's an incredible place to come to @-o-o- .
When one realises what has and hasn't worked, only then can one learn what truly makes them satisfied.
Your inner being will tell you what's right for you.
Out lives are always rushing now. It's so good to just be able to sit and reflect.
It sounds like you have done the hard yards. You've achieved things you can be proud of. You've raised to young beings.
Let the world continue as they want. Do what's right for you because you deserve it 🙂
In response to: Re: Contradictions
-o-o-Casual Contributor
@tyme Trauma is a strange thing... I find myself terrified I will be sacked... yet knowing I am highly competent.... perhaps because I am highly competent? it makes no sense.
I am pretty lucky... my boys are wonderful. They are now old enough that I feel like I have the space to sit and be with myself a bit more... I don't need anything radical... meditate... walk... art... writing.... music... crochet... the gym.. reading a good book... yoga... coffee with a friend... Alanon meetings... all things I have not made time for in a very long time.
It is a seasonal change... another evolution of me? Menopause? I am along for the ride.
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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