LostttNew Contributor
29 year old mother to 8 yr old son. Muso. New here. Wanting some support and like minded people to talk to. Thanks...
Hey guys,
I have never been on a forum to ask for support/find others to talk to. I feel like no one understands me so I thought I'd try reaching out on here. I'm 29, I have an 8 year old boy. I have cptsd, anxiety, depression but I'm pretty high functioning (which isn't always on my side. Perfectionism and people pleasing is also very exhausting). Never really had mother and father growing up. Had two lots of grents who both looked after me for like 7 years each... my mum has had schizophrenia all my life..shes always been in a psych ward or a group home. Beautiful, gentle person but not all there sadly. Thats all ive ever known her as though. I have bad medical anxiety and fear of death which is not fun... those are the negatives to be up front. Positives are I know I have a big heart, I have learn alot about psychology and how the mind works just through learning about trauma and the various self help audiobooks I've listened to etc. Im Not on any meds. I have a job. I have a home which I'm content in. My sons beautiful- he does have adhd and autism level 2 which was sooo hard before meds and had a horrible pregnancy (hospitalised for 2 months) but thankfully he's on meds and things are easier but I don't have much support at all. I do have a partner but he doesn't help with parenting really.
I do have some medical issues which I am scared to get help for because anything medical freaks me out: possible endometriosis and I was diagnosed with chronic intravenous insufficiency. Basically both legs have some veins not sending blood back to my heart properly. Sore, swollen legs etc.
I am a musician but haven't have the energy or time to really do as much as I'd like and I feel this may be leading to some soul killing feelings.
But it's probably also my trauma and just shitty life situations I've been faced with. I really try my best everyday but I just wish I was a super mum and more successful and skinnier and healthier and more motivated..more goal driven.
I may have adhd undiagnosed also or that could be a cptsd thing.
Basically I feel weird like everyday mentally but I can't even describe the feeling. I actually think it may be caused by physical changes in brain and body from trauma and then I'm perceiving it as mental? Idk. Anyway I've dragged this out a lot. Just giving back story and hoping I find some like minded people. Just want to feel like I'm not completely alien. Alot of people haven't had a life situation like mine. There's more to my story but will share with someone individually if they wanna chat. Thank you for reading means a lot!!
