SarahB10-New Contributor
Dealing with passed down trauma
I am a survivor of sexual assault. I grew up watching people close to me be drug dependant, last year it resulted in my mother losing her life to drugs and alcohol, till now I still haven't sat with the grief properly, most nights I do cry, some nights I forget my mum even passed, its horrible but I'm not sure, I feel numb to the pain. There will always be a hollow hole in my heart though, I crave emotional attachment, I trauma bonded with someone at the same time my mum passed and I got my heart broken, I felt so dependant when it came to my mental health because he was there to speak to about these things, the traumas of my childhood, my mothers passing, the loss of identity I struggled with. Now that he is no longer apart of my life my mental health has become clearer, some days I have screaming voices in my head, I just want to punch my fists so hard into the wall from all the built up trauma I've endured in my childhood, I never spoke up about it, Im a quiet person and maybe that's why I'm so empty, I have so many questions, so many parts of me that are screaming for help, I don't blame my parents or family members, I know its a continuous cycle but sometimes I just wish they gained enough help too.
