Work is taking a toll on me…

@Neuro_Spicy you've sent the email to 2 people so what you've got now is an S.E.P.

Someone

Else's

Problem

Try to relax 😀

I saw the acting GM and my senior in person on Friday for a “training” day.

it was them plus myself & 3 of my colleagues.

Neither said a word regarding support or work or the emails I’ve sent.
And so I masked all day making out that I had my shit together. 😂

That night after leaving, I sat in a park and cried 🙃

The overwhelm of the day boiling over.

I practiced a lot of self care last night trying to be gentle with myself, only to have a horrid night of broken sleep and weird dreams.

Today I had a tattoo booked.
It was to reward myself for not self harming in so long (couldn’t tell you the days as the best thing for my recovery was to no longer track the days since…) and I also hoped it would prevent me from acting on the currently intense urges 🫠

The guy didn’t show.
Didn’t answer his messages.

I waited an hour before leaving.

I was so disappointed.

He messaged later that he had tried to unalive the night before so needed to cancel. 😶

All I want now is a strong drink.

It’s Sunday night and I’ve made it through the day, I feel awful and have the pre-Monday anxieties for the unknown workload and challenges of the week. 🙃

I’m beyond tired.

Thanks for sharing @Neuro_Spicy .

I'm glad to read that you can reward yourself for not self-harming. I like the way you have been able to set that up for yourself as a strategy.

At the same time, I'm sorry it didn't go according to plan.

I hope you do end up being able to treat yourself - you deserve it!

Hope you have a restful evening. Sounds like it's been a big day.

Good night.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon crying after a client informed me I am taking too long to respond and should be speaking to management about my work load if I’m behind.

Last night I received the draft copy of my functional assessment. It’s definitely not what I was expecting.

And I’m so sad and angry.
The assessment identified I have extreme difficulty with 4 of the 6 domains, moderate difficulty with another and mild difficulty on the last one.

I told my mum that I had an assessment done, that it identified I have moderate to extreme difficulty with several aspects of my life.

She said she doesn’t believe it because I’m a smart girl.

Today I cried more when I was told we need to remove my assistance dog in training from public access until she undergoes further training.
I’ve been training her for 4 years and she’s my everything.

At the moment I don’t leave the house. If I do it’s for appointments and my assistance dog comes with me for support.

I feel like I’ve failed her. And me.

I struggled through the afternoon today focusing on tasks managing difficult clients and complaints.

I still haven’t heard from management regarding the last email I sent outling the help they claim to have given but haven’t, what they’ve offered and what I need - tomorrow is a week since the email was sent.

I got an email from a senior this afternoon question how I was going with a particular work task and that this direction has come from upper management….. I have 79 clients I need to complete individual documents for and haven’t had a chance to start, where as other staff members are closer to being 50% of their case loads done.

We have a deadline of August 24.

I don’t even know if anyone will read this.

But I don’t know what to do.

I’m exhausted.

I’m tired of the fight.
I honestly don’t know if I can keep on with this.

Everything feels like it’s building up.

@Neuro_Spicy sorry to hear you’ve got several challenges stacking up. When it rains, it pours!

You’ve done the very best you can for your assistance dog, the standard of training required is incredibly high. It’s natural to be attached to the outcome but sometimes we can’t control that. Focus on the journey and the positive moments that happen. I’m sure the past 4 years have been challenging but also rewarding.

On the job front, just sounds like a poor fit for you. I have a friend who is being performance-managed at the moment and I know he does stellar work. The company he works for SUCKS. It is not a failure of yours or a reflection of your skills and ability - you know you can do it but they have overwhelmed you and they’re offering support but not giving it! Work on that exit plan and find something better.

I’ve had a super challenging week.

I’ve accessed lifeline twice.

Though not sure I feel they’ve been overly helpful.

Woke up Friday and couldn’t cope.

Called in sick for work and unintentionally caused concern for my welfare…. All I could do was cry.
The senior I spoke to spoke to the acting general manager….

Ended up needing to talk the acting general manager out of calling a welfare check on me🙃

Saw my psychologist yesterday afternoon and ended up with her for 1.5hours mostly crying🙃

I’m exhausted.

Really fighting my spicy brain at the moment and not sure if I’m winning.

But I did shower last night for the first time in a week AND put fresh pjs on as I had been in the same clothes for 3 days. 🫣

Any cool crime podcast recommendations anyone?

Or new Netflix shows?

@Neuro_Spicy Oh what a hectic week for you! I hope the welfare check business didn't end up being too stressful on you. Or at the very least you had supportive peeps around you to help you deal with it all.

Please take some time for rest if you can! It's so important for we spicy-brained. Here's a TEDx article about the seven types of rest we all need - really helped me figure out a bit more about taking time to rest in different ways, especially because typical 'relaxation' doesn't really work with my constant restlessness.

My friend recommended me a podcast called "Red Handed" - weird crimes and stuff. Netflix I'm more into fantasy shows, at the moment I'm watching the latest season of "The Dragon Prince Mystery of Aaravos" - kids show but sooooo good. Also the most recent Puss in Boots movie, The Last Wish is out on Netflix and it's sooooo good.

@Neuro_Spicy 👋🏼 Has your psychiatrist prescribed medication for your ADHD?

22 years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD. Medication was LIBERATING. I could function like a normal person.

My narcissist ex was a Union Organiser for Health Services workers - great at his job. The attitude of some managers leaves a lot to be desired.

I hope your situation changes soon.

I’ve been on medication for ADHD for about 15 months note and it was a game changer.

Changed my life and basically saved me. 🙌🏻

I kicked substance abuse to the curb. Maintained full time employment.
maintaining a place to live - both laying rent & keeping it clean! ⭐️

Work didn’t end up doing a welfare check. The AGM did message yesterday checking in though so I guess that’s nice. 🩵

I was on the phone to lifeline about midnight and they called the police.

Been at the hospital since 3am.

Its now 10:53pm and I’ve been on the psych ward about 2 hours and am about to drag myself to bed.

I’m exhausted even though I basically slept all day? 😴

I’ve just downloaded a bunch of Netflix movies on to my iPad as it doesn’t have internet and not being allowed cords, I need to have devices with things to do if one goes flat 😵‍💫

so that’ll be my plan tomorrow until

I see a psychiatrist.

Not really sure of how to move forward because I’m so tired and my brain is foggy?

Typing out this messages was REALLY hard.

Thanks for the replies guys.

@Neuro_Spicy I'm not surprised you're exhausted! Wow, what a week! I hope you've managed to get some rest.

Nice of the AGM to check in to see how you're doing.

Tiredness and fog is your mind and body telling you it needs downtime to recharge and process what has been happening, and your ability to think while fatigued is decreased. The only real way to cure that... is to rest! The more that's been happening, the more rest you need. Sometimes you can "push through" but other times you need to listen to what your body is telling you.

You've made massive progress in the last year and a bit, well done!! That's a huge amount of positive change.

I hope the chat with the psych is productive and you're feeling better soon.