Hello: Newbie

Hey there @Fun welcome to the forums. I hope you find it to be a warm and welcoming community. We have some forums Tips & Tricks for newbies if you wanted to have a read through, and please feel free to reach out to the moderation team and the peer support workers if you ever need support.

I think it's great that you have been putting effort towards your mental heath with things like exercise and creative pursuits. Those things are so, so important to maintain - however, we also gotta take the time to do stuff like reflect on and process past traumas and explore our sense of identity and self-talk. Do you have a good therapist to talk to about some of this deeper stuff?

Getting a BPD diagnosis can be super challenging - as you've probably already noticed, it's one of the most misunderstood and stigmatised diagnoses around. A lot of information about BPD online seems to be from the perspective of those observing, not from lived experience. Even from what you've just said, it sounds like you've found info that paints a pretty awful picture. For instance, overreacting and being very sensitive are common for folks with BPD, and it is often the result of growing up in an emotionally unstable environment. Our brains are geared to survival more than anything else, and if you experience a lot of situations that overwhelm your capacity to cope (aka trauma), the survival system can become like a faulty smoke alarm, going off at even the slightest hint of something threating your sense of safety. Hence, having big reactings to seemingly small things.

Even just the phrase 'behavioural problems' really irks me, because it makes it sound like it's an active choice to be... I dunno, 'difficult' or something. But that's not how our brains work. In my experience, and from what we know of how our nervous systems respond to trauma, becoming reactive to certain types of triggering situations means our brains are working exactly as they should, and as they have evolved to react.

Sorry to ramble at you! Some of my closest loved ones have BPD and I know how much they've struggled with the stigma and the type of language that is often used to talk about BPD, which can make one feel pretty crappy.

I think it's also normal to find it difficult to open up to loved ones about the struggles we face. We don't want to burden them or overwhelm them. On the flipside though, none of us deserve to struggle all alone. And I know for myself, if someone I cared about was struggling, I'd much rather they talk to me about it than feel like they have to keep it hidden. Do you think your brother or friends would feel the same?

Hello @Jynx

Thank you for your reply.

I completely understand about the BPD stereotype and misconception. I wish I could explain what it's like to people.

How can I reach out for help? I tried communicating with beyondblue with chat online and she asked what she could help me with. I have no idea, I exited the chat, it was too much for me.

Iam unable to reach out or explain what I'm going through. Ive always struggled with this. And being in a new country makes it abit more difficult.

@Fun Hmm... do you have access to Medicare? If you don't, it can certainly make things a lot trickier. It's good that you are looking for support though!

Perhaps next time you reach out to a service, you can just say "I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but I know I need support." A decently skilled therapist will be able to ask the right questions and give the right prompts to help you tell your story, which can be therapeutic in and of itself (and if you don't get the support you were looking for, you can just hang up and try again with someone different!). You can get in touch with SANE's support line too if you like, they're available 10am-8pm weekdays on 1800 187 263.

Have you looked into DBT at all yet? It's not for everyone, but it is one of the most effective therapy treatments for BPD. It can be done one-to-one with a therapist, but is also often done in a group setting. There may also be some info on accessing support over on the BPD Foundation website.

Thank you @Jynx

I do have Medicare, and I have a therapist whom I used to see back in my home country and online here. But I quit, I got Soo frustrated and tired of it and I had alot going on. So I just called it. Now I feel so stuck, I'm suffering but at the same time I'm dreading going back.

I tried to reach out to her yesterday because I was in a very bad spot. But I couldn't really tell her. I just told her I need abit of her time when she can.

I can try again with the online chat. Honestly that's all I can do. I can't verbally say any of this without breaking down. I would never share this verbally.

@Fun I think it's okay to need to take a break from therapy for a while. And it's good that you've realised that you do need that extra support again, so you're taking steps to get it.

Would you consider going to your GP and asking for a mental health care plan and referral to a psychologist? Might be good to get some extra support on top of what you have, especially if things are particularly bad right now.

Also hot tip - I used to really struggle in putting things into words as well, especially in a therapy context. Much harder to articulate myself when I'm choking on sobs! So I got into the habit of writing things down. Reading something off a piece of paper is easier than trying to explain it in the moment. Or you could write it all down and send it to your therapist before your next session, so that they already have an idea of what's going on for you. Food for thought.

Hi, I've found writing things down helps in two ways: 1. I don't forget, and 2. It helps 'force' me to tell my therapist things I often back down from sharing. It's hard - still don't know what I have but overly sensitive and I'm too starting to drift away from therapist. I feel like they are getting sick of me.