I can’t find peace

Oh my stars @creative_writer I am so sorry to hear this! And they didn't actually tell you why?

It's totally normal to be wracking your brain and trying to figure out what might have happened. It's okay to be angry at them! It's a very crappy situation and without that clarity how are you supposed to know whether it's something to work on, or whether it's something on their end that's gone wrong? Give these emotions some space, but also don't forget to take some breaks from focusing on it and doing stuff to nurture yourself along the way, yeah?

@Jynx, what they said to the uni was very vague. They said they were unable to support me with my learning goals. Earlier in the week they said I was engaging enough, I was trying, it just takes me a while to warm up to people and I was literally burnt out too, I’ve come home crying a few times, and then SH over the weekend because the pressure was so much. It’s like I never did anything right. Task supervisor also sounded really annoyed at me on Friday when I spoke to him. I thought we had a plan moving forward, I guess no. Am I anything more than a pathetic piece of shit?

Oh wow that is super rough @creative_writer. Sounds like so many overwhelming factors. And if you didn't feel supported, and the staff were getting tetchy with you, maybe at the end of the day it just wasn't a good fit for you! It happened with a few people at my uni when I was still studying. Hold tight, and hopefully the next placement org will be better for you.

You are so much more than what you are seeing yourself as right now. Have you got any affirmations you could maybe say aloud to yourself?

@Jynx, maybe it wasn’t a good org fit. I feel like I was being compared to other placement student who had been there longer, she was amazing and all but had been there for longer. I just couldn’t help but thinking I was doing something wrong the whole time. The uni is mindful of my emotional well-being and have provided me with the option of research based placement. I have been heightened lately. I’ve had my own personal childhood trauma at school, and feeling so disconnected from the school staff (not feeling like I belonged there), I felt like there wasn’t a safe person I could reach out to

@creative_writer oh yikes, that's super difficult - can be really tough being compared to someone else, especially someone with more experience. Sounds like an unhealthy environment for you for sure. How would you feel about doing the research based placement? Is that of interest to you?

Hope it feels like there's safe people around for you now.

@Jynx, I just didn’t gel well with the supervisors. I wouldn’t say they were bad people.

I don’t know much about it yet, will find out more soon.

Sorry been an emotional wreck, I already had a rough weekend

@creative_writer Mm that's how it is sometimes hey, we just aren't gonna be compatible with some people. And if it was your supervisors, then that's just not going to go well for you. I reckon if that's the case, then as devastating as this is it might just be for the best hey. You gotta have support with whom you feel safe to be as open and vulnerable as you want - otherwise, how will you learn and grow?

No sorry needed. Keep on looking after yourself yeah? You got this 💜

@Jynx, it’s hard, I am a perfectionist and people pleaser, when I know someone isn’t happy with my work I go down rabbit holes. The placement experience contributed to my low self worth. I was always second guessing myself, even when an interaction with a kid went okay. If I was still at the placement and engaging with kids, I’ll always have “not engaging enough” stuck on my mind

💖

@creative_writer was just talking to a friend about the people-pleasing/conflict-avoidant/perfectionism trifecta over the weekend. It's a super tough one hey. Ultimately though, your judgement is the one that matters most, and you said yourself that you did have interactions that went okay, where you did engage with them!

More n more this is sounding like this particular place just wasn't right for you.

@Jynx, I guess we all need to learn to accept we can’t always please people. I tend towards people pleasing because I tend to feel so inadequate. I will be talking to uni about this more later this week, my tutor wanted to give me time to process it. She was also surprised and thought there was a plan in place for moving forward. I did try, so even if they think I didn’t try hard enough, I gave it all I could considering my circumstances