Going in and out of episode (people don’t understand)

So I’ve been trying to use SANE more often because of the emphasis on complex mental illness, as opposed to just mental illness

Life has been hard right now. I recently fell in love, and that triggered a lot of my mental health symptoms. And then she needed to take a step back, and it sent me into episode after episode. And now we’re not talking, and I’ve not been coping very well

The problem then becomes the fact that no one understands what I am going through. They keep telling me that this is just “heartbreak” and is normal, but there’s so much more going on than that

I’m slipping in and out of episodes. One day I might be in so much distress I feel physical pain. Other days I split and see her as this evil person who is trying to hurt me. And on most days I’m too depressed to do anything, combined with ADHD executive dysfunction

But with all this… one of the hardest things to do is sit alone with my thoughts and feelings. So I have been reaching out to people for support—however the support has been not always great, and at times damaging

i forget that most people don’t have a complex understanding of mental health, and how it would impact me in this situation. I feel like I’m acting like a madman, going between mood swings and changing the things I believe every day

and to make it all worse. I’m changing my medication from one antipsychotic to another… so my mental health is far more unstable than what it would have been a couple of months ago

but trying to explain all of this to people just doesn’t work. Trying to explain that I’m not a bad person, I’m just going in and out of various health episodes. Right now I’m calm and I can see clearly… but what about tomorrow? Will I be okay then?

I lost someone I cared about because I was having episodes where I thought she was trying to hurt me. But every time it turned out she was just busy, and yet I’d lashed out and become angry. And no matter how much I apologised and told her I know I was in the wrong, it just kept happening

I don’t want to feel like I can’t live a normal life because of emotional instability. I wonder if this will all be better when the medication settles. And I’m worried I’m destroying my whole life in the process of getting through this

if anyone has any advice, or can even say that they relate to this. It would make me feel a hell of a lot better. I’m tired of the generic advice that doesn’t actually factor in the complexity of the situatin