HI @Mikismyname
I'm sorry your dreams have turned to ashes - many of us have been there - and it's not a good place to be - still - it doesn't need to be permanent - which is good.
Who says what is great? Who says what is special? Some people gain fame through achievements - both my grandfathers were - are - war heroes - however - few people remember them now - except I do - they are long gone now but they did fight in the British Expeditionary Forces (BEF) in The Great War and I am proud of that. They were both decorated too.
Poets, artists, authors, actors - anyone with a recognized skill who is considered by many may be considered great - I wonder though - who decides that. It's a strange thing as I have read a great deal in my life and often wonder who makes up those rules.
I think a lot of people gain fame through connections or just being noticed. I never sought popularity - I didn't need it - I wasn't pushed to the outside either - I guess from childhood on I felt okay with everyone in my family except my mother and maybe I was bright and a good athlete - I wanted to learn and I did. But special? My Dad and my grandparents and uncles obviously thought I was - honestly - I didn't think about it until I was in Year 10 and an incident in the classroom made me look again at the class-captain and considered popularity for the first time - deciding it wasn't my "thing" - I didn't seek anything about being great either. Time passes though.
Time and circumstances and decisions determined that I had the chance to do something great and it was hard yards - I often did not know where this was leading. More time passed and then it was all a disaster - and it's a long time ago now - but it was a great thing I did - and I did not get any accolades - no recognition - no standing ovation - and it did change things for a lot of young people and they don't even know.
And that's all right - that's enough - that was the chance I had to be special - it cost me a lot and I would not change anything.
So - after all that - back to you - you don't think you are special - you are unique - and your life isn't over yet so - you have no idea of your destiny - you don't have to have other people care - it's what you know.
I have to quote my source for this comment - Tom Cruise says this in The Last Samurai.
I think a man does what he can until his destiny reveals itself.
And I agree - we can only live our lives with what we have and take chances and make changes when appropriate. So you don't know yet - even so - whatever happens may not be - probably won't be - earth-shattering - you will know though and you will care.
I do hear you - you feel very ordinary - and all feelings are valid even if they are not sound. You will most likely not get a standing ovation - but there will be something.
And even so - just existing has its products - everything we do or don't do - say or not say - be or not be - changes the human experience for someone else - whether we know it or not. Sometimes just listening to someone while waiting in a queue - or in an airport, on a station, whatever - that meeting might be important beyond your knowledge to someone else.
Feel ordinary if you so choose - and that is fine - sometimes your ordinariness is a pure blessing to someone else.
I do hear you though - it's bleak for you right now - you feel disillusioned - hopefully this will pass. I believe it took courage to write your feelings here - and oddly - today - I have blessed just thinking about what you wrote when I read it this morning and I am glad I found your post this evening and could reply
You just never know
My love and thanks
Owlunar