Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Dissociative Identity Disorder

NeedHelp2New Contributor11 July 2023, 6:09 pm AEST

Dissociative Identity Disorder

My wife has complex PTSD and I believe from childhood trauma had developed several alters to help cope with life. Over the last 4 years things had gotten worse due to external factors. This effected our relationship. I believe the protector alter has taken her over to protect her and things I was doing compounded the problem. The protector alter is extremely narcissistic and was doing things to cause issues which happened. She would have memory losses to things and when things were found to be lies, I generally believe she did not know what was going on. Things snowballed and I was removed from home and not allowed contact. I have done some soul searching and love her dearly and want to help her. The alter has made things very bad for her over the past 2 years. I want to help her after all she has put me through. I can see her pain and she is a hollow shell of herself. I thinks she has some knowledge of what is going on. She is love bombing a man she targeted with a friend to try and get his money. She never drank and is drinking to be able to spend time with him. Is their any way I could help her with my situation or do I just stay away and allow whatever happens. She is not in a position to get the help she needs now I am away and unable to help her. We have kids and they have written her off and they want me to have nothing to do with her due to the hurt she has and is putting me through. I am at peace with that. I care for her and hate seeing her like this. I asked for help way before the situation got worse and it fell on deaf ears. I was made to be the bad guy. I was a bit, because I could not understand what the hell was happening. Any advise please. I am falling apart not being able to assist her. I hate seeing her like this and being partially responsible for our situation.

2 replies

1 - 2 of 2

In response to: Dissociative Identity Disorder

JynxModerator11 July 2023, 6:46 pm AEST

Re: Dissociative Identity Disorder

Hey there @NeedHelp2 and welcome to the forums. We hope you find this to be a supportive and welcoming community. First off, you might like to take a looksie at our tips & tricks for new members.

I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. It sounds like your wife is really struggling to manage her mental health in a big way, which means she is making some rash decisions and not really able to see how much of an impact it might be having. I think it's really awesome that you care so deeply about her - everyone deserves to have someone looking out for them.

I think the hard pill to swallow is that we can never force someone to seek help, and can't force them to change. Folks generally have to choose to get support for their mental health, and when they make that choice for themself and do it for themself, they're far more likely to follow through. The only time you may want to take more direct action is in circumstances where you're concerned she might physically harm someone else, or herself (in which case, call 000 or your local CATT).

You can however, gently share with her your concerns and encourage her to seek some help. You can remind her that you want to support her, and want her to be able to lead a full and happy life.

The other side of ths coin is making sure you're also looking after yourself. It can take a lot of our energy and resources to provide support to someone - and it can be even more draining if that someone isn't open to receiving it. Do you have your own mental health supports in place? You can always call SANE's Drop In Service (1800 187 263) if you ever wanted to chat to a counsellor about what you're carrying at the moment.

In response to: Dissociative Identity Disorder

balance37Senior Contributor24 Oct 2023, 9:10 pm AEDT

Re: Dissociative Identity Disorder

@NeedHelp2 I can see you posted this a while ago, but thought I would send a response, hoping you still are able to read this.

I am diagnosed with DID and have quite a few different parts. However, in my opinion, that is not an excuse to treat others poorly.

I do still have some amnesia within certain aspects of my life, particularly when stressed, where another part may take over. However, they are all parts of *me*, so all behaviours are *mine to own*. Getting help for DID is a very long journey, due to the significant trauma that originally occurred for DID to develop in the first place. It sounds like you care for her very much, but also place a lot of blame on yourself for actions that have occurred. Is there a possibility that you could perhaps go to therapy together to work things through and understand the way DID changes a relationship dynamic? How are you travelling now? 🙂 Also happy to answer any questions regarding DID from a lived experience perspective.

1 - 2 of 2