Huge panic attack yesterday. Partner says she can't handle it anymore.

I can't do it anymore. I work incredibly hard at my job, then when I get home I do manual labour work to save more money.

My partner can be very critical of me. Sometimes it feels like I can't do anything right. On Sunday as I was working she began criticising me again. It wasn't bad, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I started shaking and my knees locked up. My jaw was stuck open and I couldn't close it or speak. I also started feeling really, really cold and then started coughing uncontrollably - like asthma, but harsher. I started coughing up blood.

I layed down in bed and tried to calm down which worked a bit. My partner came in and asked what was wrong and if she could do anything to help. I made the mistake of asking her to back off a little with her criticisms. This caused her to flip out. She yelled at me, grabbed her car keys and left. I didn't want to be there when she got home so I got my car keys and tried to leave too, but my legs were still not cooperating so I felt I couldn't operate the car safely. I dragged myself down the road a bit but found it really hard to move (and it was so cold, plus still coughing badly) so returned home.

She came back and started getting more and more angry with me. I couldn't take it anymore so went to another room, sat down and began to cry. She came in and told me that I was weak and that she didn't want to be with someone as weak as I was.

To stop the anger I said I'd promise to try to not to have panic attacks again and try not to cry or be depressed anymore and to do things like "go for walks" more (how can I get the time/energy to do that?).

I feel utterly defeated and hopeless. I really think I am reaching the end of my life. There is simply no way I can continue this trajectory of constantly working and suppressing depression and panic attacks. Honestly, whatever is causing this blood-coughing I really hope it's terminal.