Living with BPD with current relationship issues

It has been a few years since I posted on this forum, and in that time, I have been officially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. This diagnosis has really helped in the way of understanding why I feel, say and do certain things, but it has also made me feel even worse. Knowing that the treatment for BPD is years of extensive (and unaffordable) therapy as the main way to "treat" BPD makes it feel like I will always suffer the same way forever.

I am also in a limbo with my relationship, we have had many problems over the years, some of which have been on my end, but the majority of which have been on my partners end. After the most recent incident (which was caused by him) I am at a crossroads, wondering if I should keep fighting for and trying to work on our relationship, or if I should just finally end it. The BPD part of me is scared to be alone, and I have no support family or friendship wise if I was to end things. The other side of me is sick of repeating the same or very similar situations with him over and over again with promises to change that never seem to stick.

We have 3 children together, all under the age of 9, and he has said several times he doesn't want his kids to grow up in a broken family. But there is a part of our relationship that has been cracking for years, and I feel now after everything culminating over the years and with this most recent incident, it has finally broken.

My fear of loneliness and abandonment is keeping me here, but the part of me that feels like I deserve more is fighting with it. Sometimes it feels like I am just asking or expecting too much from him and our relationship, but then I think, don't I deserve to be loved and treated the way I feel I should be?

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or understanding, I just know I really needed to get some of this off my chest in a space that is more accepting of mental health issues, because Reddit is a really brutal place for putting out your issues.