better then worse then better…

hi everyone. it’s been a while. i’ve been in hospital for about half of the year so far and had a few rounds of ECT last month. i was doing really well and although the undercurrent of illness was still there, i was sleeping better, my mood was more under control… but over the weekend i saw my art therapist and boy did some stuff get stirred up. things have come out that i’ve buried for a very long time and my ptsd is going crazy. i’m constantly grinding my jaw, waking up sweating and shaking every night, feeling exhausted but also like i can’t stop moving or thinking…

anyway, normally this is about when i’d call the hospital or my psychiatrist and ask about an admission. but the hospital my psychiatrist admits to has just closed down and she’s taking a month off to relocate and sort stuff out. i don’t want to go to the public hospital and i don’t think they’ll be able to do much anyway since there’s never beds and i guess there’s probably hundreds of people in the same situation as me. i just feel stuck and scared and awful. i really don’t know what to do or who to talk to…

i’m in tassie if anyone has any resources. considering going to the after hours service today or tomorrow [location removed by moderators] to see if they can do anything.